Friday, September 17, 2010

Food that makes you go MmmMMmmmMMmm...(slightly naughtier than usual)

I was looking over my blogs and thinking maybe I'm stretching you past your "wanna give a sh**" point with some of these recipes...I mean, just because the hot sizzle of meat in a smoking pan gives me a shiver, the seductive blast of homemade pumpkin pie essence hitting me in the face when I open the oven curls my hair/toes AND fogs up my specs, and the silky texture of a sweet, smooth and delicately flavored buttercream icing rolling around on my tongue makes me...ooooohhh...uh...wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, just because I get off on cooking doesn't mean everyone does, and sometimes you just want to order a pizza and eat it right out of the box. I understand, I really do.

While looking for another recipe, I noticed an addition to my savory album that I didn't really know much about until recently - sometimes I forget where I get my stuff from because I look at recipes EVERYWHERE. Cookbooks of course, online natch, magazines, newspapers, grocery store, TV, food containers...they're EVERYWHERE! So yeah, I decided for some unknown reason to make my own coney sauce. The real deal....I grew up eating chili dogs that were just a hot dog with canned chili on top w/cheese and onions. Chili with beans, which I found out later was a a real bowl of Texas Red, beans should be nowhere near a decent, dog-fearing weiner. And I heartily agree after having some of this on my dog....I almost died it was so good. Imagine the perfect hot dog, and the ultimate sloppy joe doing something totally inappropriate and you get the's a sloppy dog that you will wear on your shirt with PRIDE. Dang, now I'm hungry.

Coney Island Sauce

1 lb. ground beef
1 onion, chopped fine
2 Tbsp. yellow mustard (save the foo-foo mustard for your MOM)
2 Tbsp. cider vinegar
2 Tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. Worchestershire (NOT pho-ne-tic, it's pronounced "WHOOSH-sti-shure"you noobs)
1 tsp. garlic salt (if you don't have it, I'm sure you will figure out a substitute)
1/4 C. tomato sauce
1/4 C. ketchup, Heinz not the other crappy stuff...for cryin out loud yes it matters
Tabasco to taste - and I mean you should be able to taste something BESIDES Tabasco

Brown ground beef in large skillet with onion, use potato masher or back of a fork to smash it up really fine. When the onions are soft and translucent (that's semi-clear in case you really are a noob), drain the fat off. I like to tilt the pan and tear off paper towels willy-nilly, crumple slightly and put them in the pool of fat on the down side of the pan. Keep adding and mashing it down with the utensil until they are completely saturated and the fat is all gone, then toss in the trash (Makes a good fire in the burn barrel and teases the dogs to no end, win-win).

Add the rest of the ingredients and simmer 10-20 minutes, adjusting to your own taste if you really want to mess with perfection. Cook your dogs how you like, pop em in a bun and dress em or leave em nekkid, then COVER THEM WITH CONEY SAUCE and get it ON! You may not use a utensil to eat them, nor what falls off on your plate, face, shirt or small children or pets running around underfoot....this is a God-given delicacy and must be eaten au-naturel. Take that however you want, I ain't forkin' around. And don't send me your dry cleaning bill, I won't pay it - I highly recommend cruising your spouse/sibling/child's closet and borrowing a shirt right before dinner on this one.

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