Ensconced in Red Velvet

Motivation?  HA.  Summer is about to expire, my new job is sucking the life out of me, and the last couple weeks have been a blur of "squeeze the last bits of fun out of vacation season", all of which has left me feeling like I was drug through a knothole backwards.  But I will not give in yet....my personal goal for this summer was to work up to bicycling the entire Banks-Vernonia Linear Trail and Handsome Stranger and I are going to attempt it this coming weekend.  No guts, no glory, and unless I get some of those padded bike shorts you will know exactly why I'm walking funny next week.

HS and I went on an impromptu road trip to San Francisco week before last, and had a wonderful time....I would like to say we relaxed, but I doubt it would hold up in court....but he did more than I because he has his Kindle Fire and will read anywhere.  Even when there is a beautiful swimming pool and spa next to him, mountain bikes begging to be ridden around Pickle Spit or into the charming little boho town of Mill Valley where he went in the summers to visit his Great Gramma Foster and look at the hippies in the town park, or even sitting in bed while his smokin hot wife lathers herself with aloe because she spent too much time in the pool/spa/biking in the California sun.  And I really MEAN smokin hot...ouch.  I am antsy, always gotta be doing something and can NOT waste time when enjoying my relaxation, dammit....too much like Mom.

Speaking of Mom, she turned 75 yesterday....we took her to dinner at a lovely brew pub in the area and had a really great time with 4 generations of the Swaja family there, probably much to the horror of the restaurant staff.  But they were good sports, no one got thrown out, and more importantly, Mom had a great time.  I could have bought a cake, but NO.....if I don't throw at least one roadblock in my own way for every event that comes down the pike you can bet I am an imposter and the real me is tied up in a closet somewhere, struggling mightily to free myself from the duct tape and dishtowel gag so I can get BACK TO THE KITCHEN AND FINISH FROSTING THE CUPCAKES.  I know I'm sick....

So after posting the pix of the glorious results of my OCD riddled existence, I received a fb message from my beautiful niece Belle in Texas for the recipe.  She even said if it was a secret I could kill her, but she drooled on her phone over the pic and wants to bring them to an event of her own.  No prob, missy...and it is not a secret, I found it online - joy of baking is a GREAT place to find good recipes.  Now mind you, I did not tweak the cupcake recipe one iota, but the frosting is from another place....this is my new, and definitively the best cream cheese icing I have EVER had...it also has a bit of a twist that improves the texture and shocked the hell out of me - it was years before I would try it, and then I was mad at myself for not doing it sooner.

So here ya go, sweetie....and even if you can get them to look EXACTLY the same mine will still be better because they are on my tin reproduction powder coated tray from a set of three I had your Handsome Uncle buy me for my birthday for a ridiculous sum of money....those I would have to kill you for.

Red Velvet Cupcakes

Preheat oven to 350 degrees, line at least 20 muffin tins with preferably foil or some nice heavy duty muffin papers if you can find them.

2.5 cups sifted cake flour (didn't have it, used AP and they were light as a feather)
1/2 tsp. salt
2 T. cocoa (I always use uber dark, but whatev)
1/2 cup butter (unsalted blahblahblah...I use what I eat and that crap is gross)
1.5 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup buttermilk
2 T. red food coloring (look for stores that have it in separate bottles...the little ones take two)
1 tsp. white vinegar
1 tsp. baking soda

Ready?  OK.  sift the flour over wax paper, then carefully pour it in cup or scoop with a spoon into it and level off.  Mix with salt and cocoa powder in a medium bowl and set aside.

In your Kitchenaid mixer (oops....hahaha, or a big bowl and your wimpy hand mixer), beat butter until soft.  Add sugar and beat until light and fluffy, then add eggs and beat well.  Add vanilla and combine, scrape bowl.

In measuring cup, whisk buttermilk with food coloring , then add buttermilk and flour mixtures alternately in 3 additions, beginning and ending with flour.  Just so you know, I realize that is not mathematically correct but the stupid recipe said it and I was compelled to write it down.

In small cup, combine soda and vinegar and stir - it will fizz up, then quickly fold into the batter.

Divide evenly in the muffin tins, I use a 1/4 cup ish scoop, and don't over fill like I did...if you do and they mushroom you need to use a knife to push them off the pan before they cool and cement themselves there.  Pissed me off....little cupcakes are better than spready ones.  Bake in oven 20-25 minutes, check with a toothpick for doneness and let cool in the pan about 10 minutes before removing.  Cool completely before frosting.

Next, pick the ugliest cupcake, peel off the wrapper and TAKE THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!  Break it up in small bits and distribute in one of the empty muffin tins.  Put back in the oven you should already have turned off and ignore it for a bit...you want to dry the crumbs out, not brown them.  While you're ignoring them make the frosting.

Cream Cheese Icing

This was at the bottom of a kick-ass recipe I use for carrot cake...you will see in a sec why it took me so long to use it.  I think this method was used during the depression, but I doubt they had access to a lot of cream cheese so who knows....it just works, altho it's hard to pick which is better, the carrot cake or the icing....

1/4 cup soft butter
12 oz. cream cheese (I even used Neufchatel and it still works)
2.5 cups powdered sugar
AND.....
1/3 cup flour.  Yes, I said it....flour.

Whip butter and cream cheese until fluffy, work in powdered sugar and flour.  REALLY.  No vanilla either...go ahead if you want, but it's not necessary...cream cheese has a lovely tang so why muck it up?  Because of the flour, this icing holds up beautifully - if you pipe it with a frosting tip with the sharkey looking points on it the ridges stay nice and firm...it also forms that delightful "crust"...I know it's not a nice adjective for icing, but it is what it is....my fave kind of frosting has an ever-so-thin dry layer that has a spectacular mouth feel when you bite through it and into the squoosh below.  Yup, that is my new word...squoosh.

Now either use an offset spreader, a butter knife, a spoon or even a frosting bag with a giant sharkey tip on it and frost those completely cool cupcakes!  When they are perfect, take the cake bits out of the oven, put them in a ziploc and smash them to oblivion.  I dumped mine into a wire strainer and rubbed them through the mesh onto a paper towel, which was brilliance.  Then sprinkle with your fingers over each freshly iced cupcake so they will stick and voila!  Red Velvet is not my fave because I swear I can taste the food coloring, but man does everyone else go gaga for it....my lactose intolerant sister lost sight of the fact that she was so afflicted and ate a whole one, for which she paid dearly later that night.  But I don't believe she regrets it....

Born to Shop

I will tell you that I hate shopping, but my family just rolls their eyes when they hear that - they don't understand my compulsion to ultimately walk away from X store with a trunkful of stuff that they had to pay ME to take away.  It's all about the deal...and altho I am not one of those crazy coupon shoppers (anymore), I have scored more times than the Harlem Globetrotters.  AND without dribbling.

Costco...there, I said it.  I LOVELOVELOVE the place - it makes my blood pressure drop just walking through the door.  I don't even mind parking 3 miles from the entrance, it just increases the excitement of passing under that giant rolling door and winking at the person with the clicker...I feel like Norm in Cheers, and that all the staff are gonna yell "SHARON" when I walk in.  It has taken me YEARS to learn to shop there though, and have fallen into their snake pit traps time and time again...a long-ago co-worker once told me she called it the $300 dollar store 'cause she could never get out without spending that much.  It takes an iron constitution, nerves of steel, and a really big wad of gum to do it, but it is possible...just never forget that the sample people are satan himself and you will save at least 25% on your final bill if you don't sully your wad of Trident with chunks of apple pie, salt & pepper Kettle Chips, and teriyaki beef jerky.

Growing up with 4 siblings means you never get your own room....unless you're the oldest and a girl.  We shared rooms in many different configurations, but when we moved to Banks, me and my two sisters shared one room for a short time, and my oldest sister would tell us stories when the lights went out...my favorites were the ones where you got locked in a big department store for a week because they closed it for some unknown reason - it had to be a week because there were too many things to do in just one night.  As a kid in a one income family that was the ultimate lottery winning dream....have unfettered access to ANYTHING you wanted without the worry of punishment - if they lock you in a store, they're not going to put you in jail, right?  So what if you rode bikes up and down the aisles, filled up swimming pools, ate every kind of candy on the shelf, and had fashion shows with all the clothes...they would just be happy if our parents didn't sue them, right?  Those stories and the somehow inbred need for a deal is where I lay the blame for my nasty little habit.  But before you judge, how many of you have a never-been used, one model year behind 12 cup Cuisinart food processor that only cost you 24.99??  BOO YAH.

This recipe has absolutely nothing to do with any of this, and after going through some recipes I realize that I am starting to run out of good stuff that isn't too involved/weird/stolen....not sure how long this can keep going but I will try.  This is a super easy (read uses BOTTLED DRESSING), but is one of those things that you have once and wonder how the hell something so simple can look like a million bucks AND taste fabulous.  Sure some are going to whine about the shrimp, but skip it if you don't like it.  It won't be the same, but if it called for capers I would do the same - no slimy boogers for me.  And many thanks to my lovely niece Carrie from Cali - this is actually her mom's recipe, hence the name....just don't tell HER you screwed with her recipe, I'm convinced she had "connections" and you might just find a package in your mailbox with a small piece of your favorite salad bowl in it.

Suzy's Salad

Another one of those with no set amounts....I will give you suggestions, but you can monkey with it to your own liking - it would be really hard to mess it up.  REALLY...even YOU, haha.

Lettuce - a mix of romaine, leaf and iceberg would do nicely...a head of each cut or torn into bites sized pieces, perhaps?
Salami, cut in bite sized pieces (I get it sliced from the deli, then cut it in 1/4's)
Feta cheese, crumbled
Black olives, quartered (looks prettier than sliced, or you could buy small and leave whole)
Tomatoes, cut in bite sized pieces (grape tomatoes are perfect cut in half...the juice adds to it)
Baby shrimp (I would say up to a lb, and clean it - no one likes shells and feelers)
Red onion, sliced (I cut in half, then in quarters and cut thin sticks from that)
Girard's Champagne Dressing (this is the key, don't use anything else)

Put all fixins in your large and undamaged salad bowl, pour about half the bottle of Girard's over all and toss, add more if needed and I would totally grind some black pepper into it.  It may also have had croutons tossed into it....that would be good too.  If you use enough of the toppings it can be a full meal with some nice crusty bread - and it will get you a flood of invitations to potlucks if you're not careful....you have been warned.

A Gift From the Heart

Handsome Stranger has struggled for years when it comes to gifts for me, and I really feel bad for him. I never think "For cryin' out LOUD, you've known me for over 33 years, why the HELL can't you read my mind??" because I don't know what I want myself most of the time. I am also cheaper than than the day is long, and will, immediately upon opening any gift, will think (in my head most of the time) "Where did you buy this? Was it on sale or did you use a coupon? Did you check online to see if you could get it for less?"....I can't help it. He overthrew the flowery romantic notion of buying jewelry long ago since I just lose it; the last such items were a new rock in my engagement band because apparently the other one broke off and is probably in a landfill or one of our former custodians teeth (I think it happened in the file room), and a simple anniversary ring for our 25th that I am actually wearing right now. And that is fine with me - the man played his hand when he bought me the Camaro for my 50th so he can do what he wants.

It is also difficult to surprise me. I hate knowing what I'm getting, so I've had to be very careful during the month of December to not look at my bank account (I clean up the aftermath on the 26th), avoid rifling through his wallet and drawers, and run away if I see a box/bag/mysterious lumpy thing that appears to be in one of our big suitcases...ruins the surprise. But this year he was successful...I had no clue (except the box of Sees, I could smell the damn raspberry creams through the wrapping paper) and was delighted when I unwrapped a set of Kitchenaid pasta making attachments I have always wanted but was too cheap to buy. I've seen the occasional one at Goodwill, but after noting cat hair in one, determined that purchasing one second hand would be like using a toothbrush you found in a gas station bathroom. And he used a coupon....I love that man!

So my first experience was making lasagne noodles....you only use one attachment, the roller, and just have to run the rested dough through on several different settings until it's the width of the roller and as thick as you like, then lay it out on towels while you make the rest of the ingredients so you can put it all together. It was AMAZING lasagne...the sheets were thin, and had a more pastry-ish quality - tender and almost creamy, without that rubbery bite but not mushy either. Best lasagne I have ever had....anywhere. The second was a marathon session where I made TWO batches of lasagne and two of fettucini....that day I made traditional and veggie alfredo lasagne, and once again, could not have been more pleased with the results. Then I used some of the fettucini for a huge batch of cottage cheese, noodles and bacon that Ethan requested for days afterwards, and then some with bolognese sauce for him one night we were eating something highly objectionable to him (he's not really picky, just 10) to a very happy outcome. I also shared some of the dried fettucini with a friend, and she said it was really good...I choose to believe her.

Today everyone was watching the Maltese Falcon, and I was bored because it was in BLACK & WHITE....sheesh, we used to have to watch that in the middle ages (1960's), and they didn't even bother to colorize it. I love that they were SO un-PC back then, and we got some pretty good guffaws out of some of their mannerisms and choices of vocab, but it wasn't enough to keep me entertained so I grabbed an apron and noodled up. I rolled the sheets a bit thicker, then cut them by hand into strips about as wide and long as my thumb....then I made chicken veggie soup and threw those delicious eggy strips of heaven into the pot. Not very many people make noodles by hand, mostly cause it's a giant pain in the arse - that is unless you have magical machines to do the hard part, but either way...BEST. CHICKEN. SOUP. ON. THE. PLANET. I should build a shrine to Kitchenaid, but that would be false idolatry so I won't, but man-oh-man you should try it sometime.....it takes a bit of elbow grease to roll out pasta dough, but this soup is SO very worth it!

Chicken NOODLE Soup

So if you want to use homemade, the recipe will follow for the pasta, otherwise I highly suggest you buy fresh or the frozen egg noodles....the kind in the bag are never as good. Or you can make the soup with no noodles and avoid the carbs - sometimes I add butternut squash I've roasted and that's good too. But I have suspected for years that the Manna the Israelites found every morning in the desert for 40 years while they wandered lost because Moses didn't have GPS was actually noodles....they just changed the name later.

1 T. olive oil

3 large raw chicken breasts, cut into 1/4" dice

1.5 C. celery, cut in 1/4" slices

1.5 C. onion, diced

1.5 C. carrots, cut in half and 1/4" thick

2 C. frozen or fresh corn

1.5 C. crookneck squash, 1/2" dice (they will break down a little)

1/2 LARGE cabbage, coarsely chopped

16 C. Hot water OR chicken broth

5 T. chicken soup base (the paste type is the best) if using water

1/2 tsp. turmeric (yellow curry)

Salt and FRESH GROUND black pepper to taste

1 lb. fresh pasta

Heat olive oil in large stock pot until smoking, add chicken, celery, onion, carrot, corn and saute for a couple minutes. Add squash and cabbage and cook a couple more minutes until it all kind of wilts, then put in water, soup base (or broth), and seasonings. Bring to a boil and cook for about 8 minutes, then add pasta and stir, continuing to cook at a low boil about 5 minutes or until pasta is at least al dente. It will continue to cook from the heat in the pot, but you can serve immediately or let it sit a while....the flavor will actually improve if you can believe that.

If you want to make the pasta, I will give you the recipe I use for the Kitchenaid, but you may have to actually mix it with your hands if you don't have a fancy mixer...OR you can use a food processor, just not a hand mixer unless you want a new one when it burns up from attempting to mix concrete.

Egg Noodles

3.5 C. sifted AP flour

1/2 tsp. table salt (kosher grains are too big)

1 T. water

4 whole eggs

Put all ingredients in mixer and use the flat beater, beat on 2 for 1-2 minutes until flour is incorporated, then switch to dough hook and knead on 2 for 2 minutes. Remove dough from hook/bowl and knead for another 1-2 minutes or until smooth. Let rest covered with a towel for 20 minutes or it will just laugh at you if you try to roll it out. This is where I run it through the rollers on 1, folding it every time and repeating 4 or 5 times, then roll it once at 2, once at 3 and once at 4 to make thick ones (I think it goes up to 7). If you are doing it manually, you just cut the dough in 4 pieces, and start rolling with a rolling pin.....they should be about as thin as...well....a noodle. Then cut into smaller squares, then in whatever size noodle you want.

I used them fresh, just cook in whatever for 4-5 minutes for the thick ones, but you can dry them on a towel for later, just make sure they are separated and don't stack...they will stick together and you will say very bad words and cook the whole deformed mess, then cry bitter tears of disappointment while you eat your noodles with a steak knife and fork, raking them through a puddle of melted butter and they will STILL be delicious. And THAT, my friends, is a gift from MY heart.

Is That a Banana in Your Pocket?

I have decided that food knows no season - just because it's July is no reason to say that making a pumpkin pie is ridiculous....your MOM is ridiculous. Yes, having certain foods at specific times of the year might make them more special, but they also make you want to eat so much of it because it's going to be another 364 days before it crosses your path again that it makes you so sick of it you don't care it's only there once a year. Where's the fun in that? I say whip up a batch of divinity in August....BBQ ribs and baked beans in February, and banana bread once a month - you know there are always a couple black ones lying around creating a colony of fruit flies, so you might as well use them to your advantage.

My personal food seasons are as follows:

January: New Year's Eve Asian buffet. All homemade, all delicious and I count it as January because that's when the calories actually take hold in the form of cellulite on my hindquarters.

February: Valentines Day romantic dinner for two. Also homemade because I hate going to restaurants on a day when everyone else is there, and if I do it at home I get a GREAT tip.

April: Easter. Turkey, ham, all the trimmings and baskets full of candy...that and Polish Dish with some kind of sweet offering for breakfast and you'll be in a food coma until the next food season.

May: AnnivirthdayPalooza. Handsome Stranger's birthday is the 26th, mine the 28th, our lovely daughters is the 25th, and our anniversary is on the 26th so HS would have trouble forgetting. Cake, cake and more cake, plus the obligatory anniversary dinner and we can gain a dozen pounds in the span of only 4 days. But what a way to go.

July: Independence from hunger. Yeah, yeah, yeah....you know it's really about the BBQ so don't be calling me unpatriotic. I will fight for my right to eat red and blue jello with non-dairy whip.

September: Labor Day. In honor of the type of pains we will have after yet another gut-busting BBQ meant to signal the final throes of summer and Jimmy Hoffa's birthday or something.

October: Halloween. Candy. Period.

November: Thanksgiving. As in thanks for all we stole from the Native Americans just because we were big bullies and wanted it....but now we are fatter and slower and if they ever decided to rise up against us and take back what was rightfully theirs we would probably hand over the remote for a handful of skittles and a bag of Artisan Roasted Garlic and Black Bean Tostitos. OK, maybe not YOU, but I would certainly think about it.

December: DUH. This is the longest and most sustained calorie dump of the year...it lasts from the moment all the dishes are put back in the hutch from Thanksgiving and ends only when you shove the tree out the front door on it's way to cremation city and the last candy cane snaps under your foot and you claim 5 second rule and suck it to a sharp point to stickily poke the nearest annoyed family member before crunching the last of it's minty goodness until next year.

Whew. I think I gained 4.8 pounds just typing this. AND it made me hungry - no, it actually just made me want to eat. Like most everything does. However, after this most recent food season, where I abandoned most of my ideals about eating healthy and not overindulging in the horrifically calorific until my scale read out stopped showing numbers and just spelled out "REALLY??", I realized that it's a fools game and I am the grand prize winner. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to think fondly of the nanaimo bars Handsome Stranger's boss sent home, the 3 pounds of gummy bears my children gifted me with, or the berry pie, rocky road, and pecan caramels I MADE MYSELF when I am eating steaming piles of unsalted vegetables and drinking water like a camel in a sandstorm for the next couple weeks to take it all back off again. Sheesh...you'd think I'd learn.

So listen to my wisdom, and mix things up a bit....maybe if I had banana bread in March for a new food holiday, then again between Labor Day and Halloween I would not have eaten an entire loaf of it myself, including a bit of butter and cream cheese here and there. Although I dare you to not eat an entire loaf of this...a lovely friend shared this with me as she makes it every year to give as Christmas gifts to her friends and family, and it is in my recipe binder in the category "BEST EVER" offerings. It will take samples and a miracle to beat this one....it is exceptional and don't think you can...but I'm more than willing to judge any and all attempts you want to send my way.

Sour Cream Banana Bread Ala Ros

1/4 C. sugar

1 tsp. cinnamon

3/4 C. butter, softened

3 C. sugar

3 eggs

6 ripe bananas, mashed

16 oz. (2 C.) sour cream

2 tsp. vanilla

2 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. salt

1 T. baking soda

4-1/2 C. flour

1 C. chopped walnuts OR macadamia nuts as per Ros (opt.)

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Grease 4 loaf pans (I used the regular sized foil ones, then the metal ones I bought last year because son #2 wanted to make lots of bread and needed metal pans - they both worked great), then mix the 1/4 c. sugar and 1 tsp. cinnamon and use to coat greased pans with. Trust me....this is a highlight that is ridiculously simple AND delicious....my daughter and I nearly got into a slap fight over cutting the sides and bottom of the bread off before the other could get to it first.

In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar until fluffy, then add eggs and beat well, pour in smashed bananas, sour cream, vanilla cinnamon, salt and baking soda and mix until well blended and smoothish. Beat in flour until mixed, then fold or mix in nuts if you are using them. I did not....nuts add a LOT of calories/points plus, and altho I love walnuts in banana bread, I decided to try it without. Ros uses macadamia nuts for a little Island flair, and although it was good, to me it was just nuts, and unless I can tell they're macadamias, I'm not going to spend 15 bucks a pound to add them. If I did, I would probably toast them in some butter in a skillet to bring out the flavor...but this bread is a wonder nutless (hahaha), so that's how I will probably always make it.

Measure even amounts into each pan...I use a scoop and do one in each pan until I get down to the last of the batter....just make them sort of even so they bake at the same rate. Put them in the oven, not touching each other or the sides and bake at least an hour, or until a toothpick comes out clean when you poke them in the center. Let them cool a bit, then turn out and finish cooling on their sides on a rack....if you leave them in the pan too long it will make the cinnamon sugar sweaty on the bottom and you'll be reduced to scraping it out with your finger because your tongue isn't long enough to get down into the bottom of the loaf pan.

The sour cream is what really makes this bread....don't be tempted to under cook because you won't need to....if that pick comes out clean, the bread will still be so moist it's between a bread and a really good cake - and the cinnamon sugar on the sides and bottom give it a caramelized sugary crunch that will make your eyes spin in your head....SO good! It's good hot, warm, cold, frozen, stale, and probably moldy although I dare you to have any last long enough for any self respecting microbe to take root in it....one bite and you'll be hooked so hard you'll sell your grandmothers Charles and Di tea towels for a bag of black bananas for the next fix. And I will be right there with you, a stick of butter and a tub of cream cheese with a snowman-handled spreading knife....aaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

It's a GIRL!!!

I guess I can't proclaim myself an expert on raising girls since I only have the one, but I was one myself, so I think I can take a little from that experience and the fact that I came out alive on this end of 18 and say that I'm at least semi-pro. My first-born and only female child has been on the other side of the country (might have just as well been the universe) for almost 13 years, so when she and my 10 year old grandson moved back to Oregon in September, I was tickled pink. And they are living IN OUR HOUSE....I think that's fitting, at least for now since she has deprived me of her company and my grandson for this long. I will never tire of being a grammaand wish that I had more than one to spoil, side with against his mom, and teach him bad words (it was an ACCIDENT).

We have similarities, she and I; I don't think either one of us leaps into friendship easily, probably in part because of a couple hard hits in childhood, but when someone does crack our hard candy shell, you can pretty much be sure that they'll be front and center at our funeral, crying and laughing harder than anyone else in the room. We have the same snarky sense of humor, and we are both extremely common-sensical - we both like things the way we like them, and God help anyone who gets in the way of that.

On the other hand, my lovely daughter has FAR more patience that I ever did or will have with her child, she is FAR more independent and fearless than me (Holy hand-grenades, Batman - she joined the ARMY), and I think she has a much more creative soul than I do. Sure I like to cook, but because of a LOT of food experience/exposure, I think I know what will work and what won't, but it's really stolen from others. I can pull a rabbit out of my hat, with a sweet cherry andSyrah reduction, roasted garlic, fried sage and Asiago mashed Yukon Golds and butter browned julienned Brussels sprouts with toasted hazelnuts, but most of the time someone else put it in there. I don't think either one of us knows what we want to be when we grow up, but have vague thoughts that it should involve writing, and/or comedy...and for me cooking for sure. I think it's about time the Food Network acquired a stand-up chef with excellent spelling skills.

She has been gone a looooong time - an average once a year visit from one end or the other and 13 years flew by. She was already so grown up (from 6th grade on), but she matured in that time, found love, a new home, new interests, and even became a mother, all without us there. And never seemed to be scared or worried about anything - she is either the greatest actress of all time, or she really IS that independent....and having a partner who leaves for year at a shot over and over pretty much cements that notion. But family is family, and I think she realized just like I did when she left that she was missing out - you can email, call, even visit from time to time all you want, but it ain't the same as BEING THERE. And in my opinion life is too short to throw that away unless you have a REALLY good reason. And what that would be I have NO idea.

It's different having a kid in the house, adding two more bodies to a one-bathroom home, and doubling the female hormone level...tread lightly, you who leave the seat up, your comeuppance has just doubled. I know that we can't always agree, that there will be bickering and petty annoyances for us all from time to time, but it matters not. On the walls of every cubicle I have had in the last 12 years, I have two midnight blue post it notes I laminated and neatly trimmed with Velcro on the back so they'll stick to fabric walls. Written with a metallic pen and covered with stars and hearts, one says "Queen of the Universe", and the other "I *heart* you Mom, Becky". I see them 5 days a week, all day, every day, I remember exactly where I was and what she looked like when she made them, and they are constant reminders of just how much I missed her.

(Author's note: I started this blog before she arrived, and it was here I had to go find Kleenex) When she was in boot camp, she sent home letters detailing her experiences, and I put them in a binder and read them once in while. She was really homesick at first - I didn't expect that, so it was really hard to read about it. One night she was on a bus with a bunch of other prospective girl soldiers, waiting to go off to the next destination, and she wrote that she started to cry when the girl next to her (who she was sure thought she was crazy) started biting her fingernails and spitting them on the seat in front of her just like I do. It was the closest I came to getting on a plane and flying to that base and telling them it was all a mistake, she wasn't supposed to be there and had to come home with me NOW. I still can't read that without having an allergy attack.

I was told early on I could NOT send goodies from home during basic, and to please not send her anything but letters because you had to do push ups even for those, and they were really mean if someone got a package. I think she moved on to her language training before I was allowed to send anything, and the first was a big box of cookies....her favorite included. I think I cut the recipe out of the paper, but never tried them because they seemed kind of "meh", but she did on a whim and they were wonderful - light, slightly crispy, and so delicately flavored with coconut and vanilla. Some things are happy accidents (well, unless they involve Angry Birds and a potty-mouth gramma...) - maybe you can put these in your Christmas cookie rotation this year, just call em snowflakes and dream of your world being covered in them when you wake up tomorrow....

Becky's Coconut Crisps

1 C. butter, softened (2 cubes)

1 C. sugar, plus extra for sprinkling

1 egg

1 tsp. vanilla

1 tsp. almond extract

2 C. flour

1/2 baking soda

1/2 salt

2 C. flaked coconut

Preheat oven to 325. In a large bowl, beat butter a little, then add 1 C. sugar and beat until fluffy; add egg and extracts and beat until well combined. Add baking soda and salt and mix, then add flour and beat until combined, add coconut and mix well.

Using a cookie scoop or two spoons, drop by heaping tablespoon onto a greased or parchment lined cookie sheet. I always scoffed at recipes that used parchment paper as "foofy", but after using it found that it really does make a difference, and you don't have aluminum flecks on the bottoms from scraping them off the pan if they tend to stick. Just sayin. Sprinkle tops with sugar (you can use big or regular sugar....I kind of like regular for more of a "sandy" result), then use a flat-bottom glass dipped in sugar to slightly flatten each one. Bake at 325 for 12-15 minutes, not allowing them to brown. Remove to rack to cool, makes about 40 cookies.

And just for the record, I don't think these shipped terribly well....I recently read that you should ship cookies in a tin with bubble wrap between each layer and it made me laugh....those cookies were enjoyed just as much in powder form as they would have been intact, which would be true of anyone who missed a taste of home! I think they would also be delicious if you melted some dark chocolate in a Ziploc, then cut off the tip and drizzled the tops, but then I think that about EVERYTHING - except liver.

More than just a sweet ride for Cinderella...

Man, I hate it when I try to cheat and cut and paste formatting from hell. It always seems like a good idea at the time, and ends up costing me more time tweaking it that it would have just to key it in. But you know how were are in this technological age....as Homer would put it when told by Mo "It'll flash fry a buffalo in 45 seconds!" - "Awwww, but I want it NOW!!!" I just wanted you to know how much blood sweat and tears goes into this blog, and that I wouldn't do it for just ANYONE.

Giving thanks is a tradition for us here in the United States of America because we have it sooooo good. When you start getting down on yourself because you work in a call center, drive a Hyundai (not one of the cool new ones), and going out on the town involves matinee showings of something with Adam Sandler (SNAP OUT OF IT, MAN....YOU USED TO BE HILARIOUS!!) and 50 cent wing night at Buffalo Wild Wings in a cozy corner of the loudest sports bar EVER, remember it could be worse. I know some of you are thinking "Ewwwwww, HOW??, so to you I suggest asking the guy standing at an on ramp with a cardboard sign that says "Will stand here pitifully for food whilst you attempt to avoid eye contact" and I'm sure he can give you an idea. There, my guilt mongering is done for this festive holiday.

Thanksgiving should actually be called "Yum Yum I Wish I Had a Shovel So I Could Get Even More Delicious food in My Maw" Day, because that is really what it is. I don't know about you, but I've been thinking about it since before Halloween. More like stressing....not because of the day itself, just the number of calories I may or may not accidentally stumble and fall into with an open mouth. When you've restricted your intake, Thanksgiving means you should really eat something about the size of a Swanson Turkey dinner unless you want to grow out of your underpants before the end of the day. So my plan is to make what I normally would, but pull a few punches with butter, cream, sugar etc. and try to lighten it up a bit. That will not help when I am standing in front of a beautifully browned bird, glistening and crackly skin begging me to pull off a hunk and eat it because it's BAD for everyone else. Nor when the soft butter n' egg rolls have cooled off and the turkey carcass that still has an admirable amount of white meat still on it starts singing harmony with the Best Foods in the fridge to the tune of Just Eat It by the genius of Weird Al. Oh my.

So I shall try to persevere, attempt to eat my berry pie with the back of the crust removed and light ice cream on top, only have a little of each thing that requires gravy on it, and not feel the need to cap off my tremendous meal with another before the first one even hits the bottom of your stomach. Wish me luck....I did OK last year, but there were other people around that weren't my family - this year that will not be the case so I can fritter unfettered. Mmmmmm....fritters.

Here's a cool recipe I found from a website when I put pumpkin cheesecake muffins in the search bar. I made a couple changes, one because I did not think I had cloves, two because I thought it was an awful lot of spice (it would not have been), and three because I love nuts....have to, my family is full of em. I also went brown sugar in the topping, and changed the name to Pumpkin PRALINE cheesecake Muffins, cause that's what they are now. It's a hot pick, I tell ya.....brought them to a meeting and almost didn't make it to the room without being attacked...good thing I know how to buttonhook. I would not suggest you make this for Thanksgiving because it will just make Aunt Fanny's pumpkin pie look sick....and they don't require the least amount of whipped cream either.

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins

Filling:
8 oz. cream cheese
1/2 C. powdered sugar

Muffins:
3 C. flour
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. nutmeg
1 tsp. ground cloves
1 tbsp. plus 1 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
4 large eggs
2 cups sugar
2 cups pumpkin puree
1¼ cups vegetable oil

Topping:
½ cup brown sugar
5 tbsp. flour
1½ tsp. ground cinnamon

1/3 C. chopped pecans

4 tbsp. cold butter, cut into pieces

Prep the filling first by mixing the cream cheese and powdered sugar, beating until smooth. Transfer the mixture to a piece of plastic wrap and shape into a log about 1½-inches in diameter. Smooth the plastic wrap tightly around the log, and reinforce with a piece of foil. Transfer to the freezer and chill until at least slightly firm, at least 2 hours.

For the muffins, preheat the oven to 350˚ F. Line muffin pans with paper liners - I use foil because of the high fat content....it will make paper wrappers look greasy. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, pumpkin pie spice, salt and baking soda; whisk to blend. In the bowl of an electric mixer combine the eggs, sugar, pumpkin puree and oil. Mix on medium-low speed until blended I used pumpkin we roasted in the oven and used a hand blender to make sure the fibers were chopped up well - you could also use a food processor. With the mixer on low speed, add in the dry ingredients, mixing JUST until incorporated unless you want to use your tough muffins for softball practice..

To make the topping, combine the sugar, flour and cinnamon in a small bowl; whisk to blend. Add in the butter pieces and cut into the dry ingredients with a pastry blender or two forks until the mixture is coarse and crumbly, stir in pecans. Put in the fridge if it'll be a while before using.

To assemble, fill each muffin paper with about 1/4 C. batter. Slice the log of cream cheese filling into 24 equal pieces. Place a slice of the cream cheese mixture into each muffin well, pushing it down into the batter. Divide the remaining batter among the muffin cups, placing on top of the cream cheese to cover completely. Sprinkle a small amount of the topping mixture over each of the muffins.

Bake for 20-25 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack and let cool awhile before serving or even tasting unless you want to talk with a notable lisp for a couple days because of the giant blister on your tongue - the filling is MOLTEN. Enjoy your Thanksgiving, even if you have to sit at the folding table in the hallway....some kids have to sit at the ironing board.

Source: http://annies-eats.com/, adapted from BakeSpace

All eyes are on you....

Yup, another potato post - I bet you couldn't wait! I volunteered to make a gigantic pot of soup for St. Frank's annual Holiday Sampler, a yearly wingding our parish puts on with a giant bazaar of handmade items all donated by the congregation. There is some serious talent and very deep pockets in Roy, and they are not stingy about sharing with those willing to part with a few bucks. I'm always amazed at how much work these people do to benefit their church and school - not many bazaars you go to are all donations....we're unique!

Potatoes have always been a filler in my cooking - baked, boiled and mashed, hash browns, french fries, chowders and delicately browned in a skillet - there ain't a lot about em I don't like. Son #2 makes an ethereal buttermilk potato bread with them that KILLS me every time - it's just not something I can pass up, and my points tracker makes a frowny face at me on days he makes it. I also lovelovelove a giant baker stuffed with butter, sour cream, bacon, green onion and black pepper and will eat it skin and all if it's baked correctly. Wanna know how? Magic...haha.

Actually, you just wash and dry giant spuds, poke them all with a small sharp paring knive a couple times on each flat side, then toss them in a ziploc one or two at a time with some olive oil and coat, then put em on a cookie sheet and liberally sprinkle kosher salt on both sides and bake at 375 about 1.5 hours or until that paring knife will slide right through em...the salt tenderizes them and flavors from the outside in. I overcooked the soup batch, and had to peel them a bit deeper after they cooled - Handsome Stranger finally had to throw the peels in the trash with smelly garbage because he could not leave them alone. I was going to make some smart-ass comment about the Great Potato Famine, but after looking it up on Wiki, I was ashamed of myself. Yes, that does happen.

So yeah, the soup. I was asked to make some last year for the luncheon that is the "Sampler" part of this event, and my butternut coconut curry soup was very well received....a few people had a look on their face like "Yah, like I'm gonna eat something that looks like regurgitated carrots", but I didn't take offense. I just found out what they drove and poured a little in their gas tank to take home and try later. I agonize over something that a large number of random people will be exposed to, especially since I go to church with a lot of them - you really don't want people that have calluses on their knees from praying on them since they were 3 getting some kind of food borne illness because of you - you could end up with the 7 plagues of Roy all over you. I'm pretty sure they are doing chicken noodle and minestrone again, so I wanted a thicker and more calorific option - yes folks, this will not have WW points plus values at the end, the bacon alone will cause the scale to short out at your next weigh in, and when you fry, it's gonna smell like hickory.

I decided to go with a chowder-ish selection, and honed in on Baked Potato - it just sounded so good, and a giant bag of bakers at Costco is only a sawbuck (if you are not over 50, that's a fiver). I did some research and found a couple promising candidates, one from my friend Amber's McClusky (ND) Centennial Cookbook and the other Paula Deen...we all know where this is going. I whipped up a test batch, and I will not tell you what Handsome Stranger said about it because it was VERY naughty - suffice to say he quite enjoyed it. (the soup I mean...) I think you will too, and will curse me with a closed and shaking fist if you are trying to achieve a leaner, meaner you....it's quite heavenly in this lay person's opinion, but with devilish results to the dimples that will deepen on your heinie if you eat a lot. AMEN.

Baked Potato Soup

10 slices bacon

1/4 C. butter

1 C. onion

1/3 C. flour

4 C. milk (I used 2%, but you can use whatever your heart desires)

2 T. chicken base

4 HUGE baked potatoes, peeled and cubed

1 C. cheddar cheese, grated

1 C. sour cream

Salt & fresh ground pepper to taste

Slice bacon across into ¼” strips, fry until crisp, remove from pan and set aside. Put bacon drippings in large pot with butter, sauté onions in fat until tender and stir in flour; cook 2 minutes. Pour in milk, whisking constantly then add chicken base and cook until it starts to bubble, add potatoes and bacon, grind in some fresh pepper and a bit of salt then turn heat down and cook 10 minutes, stirring constantly to keep from sticking. Stir in cheese and sour cream, check seasoning and adjust as needed. You will have to stir it a lot when it's over heat...the milk and flour will make it want to stick and burn constantly. I will also thicken if kept warm....add more milk as needed, and be prepared to add more chicken base and/or salt if need be.

If I was serving this at a meal, I would put some sour cream in a Ziploc, cut off the corner and make a little zig zag of it on top, then sprinkle with a tiny bit of cheese, a few sprinkles of chives or green onion, and one tiny bacon piece on top with a skosh of pepper…..how pretty would that be! Actually, I would just get in the way of the spoon....no one wants to wait that long. And if you overindulge, they'll just comment "That's a fine doorful of a woman".....