Meant to Be...

36 years is a long time to do anything.  Really….if someone told you that you had to drive the same car for 36 years, you’d probably think they were crazy.  All those dings and dents, layers of paint, worn out upholstery, sagging springs, cloudy windshield, the MILES….not to mention the strange noises, weird smells, and all the little defects you finally gave up on fixing and just pretend not to notice anymore.  But then again, it’s COMFORTABLE….you have your butt-print in the seat, the stations programed just how you like em, and you know exactly what to do if you really need to make it go – it’s like a part of you.  As long as it never leaves you stranded, it’s been there for you rain or shine, why break in an unknown?

So yeah…..my 36^th wedding anniversary is coming up in May, and it’s hard to believe neither of us has wrapped the other around a tree or launched into a ravine.  I kid…sort of.  As I get older (and I’m fairly certain it has to do with hormone depletion) I’m much more mellow about the man bringing home another lawnmower he found in the dumpster at work, or when I stumble across a stash of shiny new tools bought on the sly at Harbor Freight and put away in the garage immediately rather than on the dining room table to grow cobwebs until he is directed to remove them or dig them out of the recycling bin.  I try to save my righteous indignation for work - peeps should be paid to fear me.

As for the wear and tear, at least we are a matched pair….he has the crinkle between his eyebrows and he HATES that I point it out when he’s mad about something, I have the “mad mouth” wrinkle that makes me look like my mom/gramma in their golden years, and we have matching aches, pains, and titanium stents – we really do believe in togetherness.  But there is nothing wrong with comfortable....I like that I don’t have to suck in my gut all the time, and if I need to, hell, there’s underwear for that.

Speaking of comfort, again with the soup….it’s a warm cozy hug in a bowl, and like a fuzzy blanket will relax you, fill your tummy, and put you to sleep.  Must be old people food….we eat more and more soup as we move through life, I’m thinking it’s the geezer version of baby food.  Easy to digest, not a lot of chewing, and plenty of veggies to keep you regular – it’s geriatric genius!  This recipe came about because I’ve always wanted to make it, but didn’t know where to find the little pasta balls.  I think there is a specific pasta for this, but found Israeli couscous to look suspiciously similar in size, so I got my hands on some, then started googling and came up with my own recipe – it is a new fave, and I use kale instead of spinach, which I recently found is very good for your eyes…anything that helps avoid growing more squinty lines is awesome in my book! 

  

Italian Wedding Soup

I read that this is a common offering at Italian restaurants everywhere, but I’ve never seen it…wait, is Pizza Hut Italian?  I have, however, seen it at my local grocery store, in a large pot by cardboard cups, and most likely poured out of a gigantic waxed milk type carton and heated to temp so that random people can stick their fingers in it or double dip with the inevitable tasting spoons nearby.  I prefer to make my own, thank you very much, where I control the germ content, know exactly what’s in it, and don’t have to pay $3.99 for a container that won’t even fill one of my special soup cups.  If you don’t like to chop, stir, brown, season, and be creative, there are a few cheats, otherwise you can get yours at the store…it’s like having a close personal relationship with your entire community!

Meatballs

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut in 1-2” chunks (or about 12 oz. ground chicken or turkey)

½ tsp. garlic salt

¼ c. panko (or bread crumbs, or make your own by grating a piece of soft bread but use a little more)

1 egg white (just do it, you don’t need the yolk)

Soup

1 T. olive oil (or whatever oil, just not motor)

2 Carrots, peeled and cut in half (large ends in quarters) and sliced thickish

3 stalks celery, split and cut in chunklets (I like the middle part…use the leaves)

I small onion, chopped

1-2 tsp. dried thyme

½ bunch of kale, as much of the stem cut off as possible and chopped

2 quarts of chicken broth (use water and a good chicken base if you don’t make your own (wuss) or  buy the stuff in cartons/cans (what’s THAT like??)

1 C. hot water

½ C. Israeli couscous (Not an easy find, but Fred Meyer has in bulk - you can use any small pasta instead)

Salt and pepper to taste

You can pan fry or roast the meatballs, so if you prefer the low maintenance method, heat the oven to 375 and spray a cookie sheet.  If you went boneless skinless, you need to either throw the chunks of raw chicken breast in a food processor, then pulse until it’s all ground up…poke around in there with a spatula (not while it’s running), and pulse again to make sure there are no chunks left.  Scrape into bowl, and add the other ingredients and mix, then shape into teeny, tiny meatballs.  Soooooo cute!!  Put on cookie sheet and bake in oven for about 10 minutes….should get a little golden on the bottom.  Remove and let cool on sheet.  You can also spray a big fry pan and cook them that way….just keep moving them so they roll around, and then let them cool in the pan until you’re ready.

(Feeling extra lazy??  Put meat mixture on a piece of wax paper, and use your hands to flatten and shape into a square about ½” thick.  Use a big knife to cut through it both directions in a ½” square grid, then flop the whole thing, meat side down, into an oiled (sprayed) heated large skillet big enough to accommodate the square.  Let brown, then peel off the wax paper, flip it over, and brown on the other side.  Once they’re browned, you can use the edge of your spatula to separate them all, and voila!  Tiny square meatballs!)

In large stock pot, add oil and heat to medium high, then add carrot, celery and onion and saute until onion is translucent.  Add thyme and stir a minute or so (I hear this toasts the herbs and makes them more flavorful), then add kale and stir in (fresh spinach is the norm, and it’s added at the end – my son in law ate all the spinach so I subbed kale and really liked it).  Pour in the chicken broth and turn up to high and add the meatballs.  Pour the 1 cup hot water into the pan you cooked the meatballs in, and make sure you scrape up every bit of lovely fond, then pour that into the soup….colors it beautifully!

Now, on another burner, heat a skillet until hot and dry.  Add the couscous and shake, shake, shake that pan!  Keep those balls moving, and when a delicate golden brown, dump them into the soup and listen to the sizzle!  When the pot boils, turn down to simmer and let cook about 10 minutes, or until couscous is tender.  Salt and pepper to taste, add fresh grated Parmesan to the top when serving if you like, and have at it….only thing that makes this better is a second bowl!

The other thing about a 36 year commitment is that eventually it becomes, as our grandson points out, a “classic”….that does not necessarily denote great value or desirability, but sure feels like home to me – here’s to another 36 years, HS – you are priceless to me!

Born to Shop

I will tell you that I hate shopping, but my family just rolls their eyes when they hear that - they don't understand my compulsion to ultimately walk away from X store with a trunkful of stuff that they had to pay ME to take away.  It's all about the deal...and altho I am not one of those crazy coupon shoppers (anymore), I have scored more times than the Harlem Globetrotters.  AND without dribbling.

Costco...there, I said it.  I LOVELOVELOVE the place - it makes my blood pressure drop just walking through the door.  I don't even mind parking 3 miles from the entrance, it just increases the excitement of passing under that giant rolling door and winking at the person with the clicker...I feel like Norm in Cheers, and that all the staff are gonna yell "SHARON" when I walk in.  It has taken me YEARS to learn to shop there though, and have fallen into their snake pit traps time and time again...a long-ago co-worker once told me she called it the $300 dollar store 'cause she could never get out without spending that much.  It takes an iron constitution, nerves of steel, and a really big wad of gum to do it, but it is possible...just never forget that the sample people are satan himself and you will save at least 25% on your final bill if you don't sully your wad of Trident with chunks of apple pie, salt & pepper Kettle Chips, and teriyaki beef jerky.

Growing up with 4 siblings means you never get your own room....unless you're the oldest and a girl.  We shared rooms in many different configurations, but when we moved to Banks, me and my two sisters shared one room for a short time, and my oldest sister would tell us stories when the lights went out...my favorites were the ones where you got locked in a big department store for a week because they closed it for some unknown reason - it had to be a week because there were too many things to do in just one night.  As a kid in a one income family that was the ultimate lottery winning dream....have unfettered access to ANYTHING you wanted without the worry of punishment - if they lock you in a store, they're not going to put you in jail, right?  So what if you rode bikes up and down the aisles, filled up swimming pools, ate every kind of candy on the shelf, and had fashion shows with all the clothes...they would just be happy if our parents didn't sue them, right?  Those stories and the somehow inbred need for a deal is where I lay the blame for my nasty little habit.  But before you judge, how many of you have a never-been used, one model year behind 12 cup Cuisinart food processor that only cost you 24.99??  BOO YAH.

This recipe has absolutely nothing to do with any of this, and after going through some recipes I realize that I am starting to run out of good stuff that isn't too involved/weird/stolen....not sure how long this can keep going but I will try.  This is a super easy (read uses BOTTLED DRESSING), but is one of those things that you have once and wonder how the hell something so simple can look like a million bucks AND taste fabulous.  Sure some are going to whine about the shrimp, but skip it if you don't like it.  It won't be the same, but if it called for capers I would do the same - no slimy boogers for me.  And many thanks to my lovely niece Carrie from Cali - this is actually her mom's recipe, hence the name....just don't tell HER you screwed with her recipe, I'm convinced she had "connections" and you might just find a package in your mailbox with a small piece of your favorite salad bowl in it.

Suzy's Salad

Another one of those with no set amounts....I will give you suggestions, but you can monkey with it to your own liking - it would be really hard to mess it up.  REALLY...even YOU, haha.

Lettuce - a mix of romaine, leaf and iceberg would do nicely...a head of each cut or torn into bites sized pieces, perhaps?
Salami, cut in bite sized pieces (I get it sliced from the deli, then cut it in 1/4's)
Feta cheese, crumbled
Black olives, quartered (looks prettier than sliced, or you could buy small and leave whole)
Tomatoes, cut in bite sized pieces (grape tomatoes are perfect cut in half...the juice adds to it)
Baby shrimp (I would say up to a lb, and clean it - no one likes shells and feelers)
Red onion, sliced (I cut in half, then in quarters and cut thin sticks from that)
Girard's Champagne Dressing (this is the key, don't use anything else)

Put all fixins in your large and undamaged salad bowl, pour about half the bottle of Girard's over all and toss, add more if needed and I would totally grind some black pepper into it.  It may also have had croutons tossed into it....that would be good too.  If you use enough of the toppings it can be a full meal with some nice crusty bread - and it will get you a flood of invitations to potlucks if you're not careful....you have been warned.

A Gift From the Heart

Handsome Stranger has struggled for years when it comes to gifts for me, and I really feel bad for him. I never think "For cryin' out LOUD, you've known me for over 33 years, why the HELL can't you read my mind??" because I don't know what I want myself most of the time. I am also cheaper than than the day is long, and will, immediately upon opening any gift, will think (in my head most of the time) "Where did you buy this? Was it on sale or did you use a coupon? Did you check online to see if you could get it for less?"....I can't help it. He overthrew the flowery romantic notion of buying jewelry long ago since I just lose it; the last such items were a new rock in my engagement band because apparently the other one broke off and is probably in a landfill or one of our former custodians teeth (I think it happened in the file room), and a simple anniversary ring for our 25th that I am actually wearing right now. And that is fine with me - the man played his hand when he bought me the Camaro for my 50th so he can do what he wants.

It is also difficult to surprise me. I hate knowing what I'm getting, so I've had to be very careful during the month of December to not look at my bank account (I clean up the aftermath on the 26th), avoid rifling through his wallet and drawers, and run away if I see a box/bag/mysterious lumpy thing that appears to be in one of our big suitcases...ruins the surprise. But this year he was successful...I had no clue (except the box of Sees, I could smell the damn raspberry creams through the wrapping paper) and was delighted when I unwrapped a set of Kitchenaid pasta making attachments I have always wanted but was too cheap to buy. I've seen the occasional one at Goodwill, but after noting cat hair in one, determined that purchasing one second hand would be like using a toothbrush you found in a gas station bathroom. And he used a coupon....I love that man!

So my first experience was making lasagne noodles....you only use one attachment, the roller, and just have to run the rested dough through on several different settings until it's the width of the roller and as thick as you like, then lay it out on towels while you make the rest of the ingredients so you can put it all together. It was AMAZING lasagne...the sheets were thin, and had a more pastry-ish quality - tender and almost creamy, without that rubbery bite but not mushy either. Best lasagne I have ever had....anywhere. The second was a marathon session where I made TWO batches of lasagne and two of fettucini....that day I made traditional and veggie alfredo lasagne, and once again, could not have been more pleased with the results. Then I used some of the fettucini for a huge batch of cottage cheese, noodles and bacon that Ethan requested for days afterwards, and then some with bolognese sauce for him one night we were eating something highly objectionable to him (he's not really picky, just 10) to a very happy outcome. I also shared some of the dried fettucini with a friend, and she said it was really good...I choose to believe her.

Today everyone was watching the Maltese Falcon, and I was bored because it was in BLACK & WHITE....sheesh, we used to have to watch that in the middle ages (1960's), and they didn't even bother to colorize it. I love that they were SO un-PC back then, and we got some pretty good guffaws out of some of their mannerisms and choices of vocab, but it wasn't enough to keep me entertained so I grabbed an apron and noodled up. I rolled the sheets a bit thicker, then cut them by hand into strips about as wide and long as my thumb....then I made chicken veggie soup and threw those delicious eggy strips of heaven into the pot. Not very many people make noodles by hand, mostly cause it's a giant pain in the arse - that is unless you have magical machines to do the hard part, but either way...BEST. CHICKEN. SOUP. ON. THE. PLANET. I should build a shrine to Kitchenaid, but that would be false idolatry so I won't, but man-oh-man you should try it sometime.....it takes a bit of elbow grease to roll out pasta dough, but this soup is SO very worth it!

Chicken NOODLE Soup

So if you want to use homemade, the recipe will follow for the pasta, otherwise I highly suggest you buy fresh or the frozen egg noodles....the kind in the bag are never as good. Or you can make the soup with no noodles and avoid the carbs - sometimes I add butternut squash I've roasted and that's good too. But I have suspected for years that the Manna the Israelites found every morning in the desert for 40 years while they wandered lost because Moses didn't have GPS was actually noodles....they just changed the name later.

1 T. olive oil

3 large raw chicken breasts, cut into 1/4" dice

1.5 C. celery, cut in 1/4" slices

1.5 C. onion, diced

1.5 C. carrots, cut in half and 1/4" thick

2 C. frozen or fresh corn

1.5 C. crookneck squash, 1/2" dice (they will break down a little)

1/2 LARGE cabbage, coarsely chopped

16 C. Hot water OR chicken broth

5 T. chicken soup base (the paste type is the best) if using water

1/2 tsp. turmeric (yellow curry)

Salt and FRESH GROUND black pepper to taste

1 lb. fresh pasta

Heat olive oil in large stock pot until smoking, add chicken, celery, onion, carrot, corn and saute for a couple minutes. Add squash and cabbage and cook a couple more minutes until it all kind of wilts, then put in water, soup base (or broth), and seasonings. Bring to a boil and cook for about 8 minutes, then add pasta and stir, continuing to cook at a low boil about 5 minutes or until pasta is at least al dente. It will continue to cook from the heat in the pot, but you can serve immediately or let it sit a while....the flavor will actually improve if you can believe that.

If you want to make the pasta, I will give you the recipe I use for the Kitchenaid, but you may have to actually mix it with your hands if you don't have a fancy mixer...OR you can use a food processor, just not a hand mixer unless you want a new one when it burns up from attempting to mix concrete.

Egg Noodles

3.5 C. sifted AP flour

1/2 tsp. table salt (kosher grains are too big)

1 T. water

4 whole eggs

Put all ingredients in mixer and use the flat beater, beat on 2 for 1-2 minutes until flour is incorporated, then switch to dough hook and knead on 2 for 2 minutes. Remove dough from hook/bowl and knead for another 1-2 minutes or until smooth. Let rest covered with a towel for 20 minutes or it will just laugh at you if you try to roll it out. This is where I run it through the rollers on 1, folding it every time and repeating 4 or 5 times, then roll it once at 2, once at 3 and once at 4 to make thick ones (I think it goes up to 7). If you are doing it manually, you just cut the dough in 4 pieces, and start rolling with a rolling pin.....they should be about as thin as...well....a noodle. Then cut into smaller squares, then in whatever size noodle you want.

I used them fresh, just cook in whatever for 4-5 minutes for the thick ones, but you can dry them on a towel for later, just make sure they are separated and don't stack...they will stick together and you will say very bad words and cook the whole deformed mess, then cry bitter tears of disappointment while you eat your noodles with a steak knife and fork, raking them through a puddle of melted butter and they will STILL be delicious. And THAT, my friends, is a gift from MY heart.

All eyes are on you....

Yup, another potato post - I bet you couldn't wait! I volunteered to make a gigantic pot of soup for St. Frank's annual Holiday Sampler, a yearly wingding our parish puts on with a giant bazaar of handmade items all donated by the congregation. There is some serious talent and very deep pockets in Roy, and they are not stingy about sharing with those willing to part with a few bucks. I'm always amazed at how much work these people do to benefit their church and school - not many bazaars you go to are all donations....we're unique!

Potatoes have always been a filler in my cooking - baked, boiled and mashed, hash browns, french fries, chowders and delicately browned in a skillet - there ain't a lot about em I don't like. Son #2 makes an ethereal buttermilk potato bread with them that KILLS me every time - it's just not something I can pass up, and my points tracker makes a frowny face at me on days he makes it. I also lovelovelove a giant baker stuffed with butter, sour cream, bacon, green onion and black pepper and will eat it skin and all if it's baked correctly. Wanna know how? Magic...haha.

Actually, you just wash and dry giant spuds, poke them all with a small sharp paring knive a couple times on each flat side, then toss them in a ziploc one or two at a time with some olive oil and coat, then put em on a cookie sheet and liberally sprinkle kosher salt on both sides and bake at 375 about 1.5 hours or until that paring knife will slide right through em...the salt tenderizes them and flavors from the outside in. I overcooked the soup batch, and had to peel them a bit deeper after they cooled - Handsome Stranger finally had to throw the peels in the trash with smelly garbage because he could not leave them alone. I was going to make some smart-ass comment about the Great Potato Famine, but after looking it up on Wiki, I was ashamed of myself. Yes, that does happen.

So yeah, the soup. I was asked to make some last year for the luncheon that is the "Sampler" part of this event, and my butternut coconut curry soup was very well received....a few people had a look on their face like "Yah, like I'm gonna eat something that looks like regurgitated carrots", but I didn't take offense. I just found out what they drove and poured a little in their gas tank to take home and try later. I agonize over something that a large number of random people will be exposed to, especially since I go to church with a lot of them - you really don't want people that have calluses on their knees from praying on them since they were 3 getting some kind of food borne illness because of you - you could end up with the 7 plagues of Roy all over you. I'm pretty sure they are doing chicken noodle and minestrone again, so I wanted a thicker and more calorific option - yes folks, this will not have WW points plus values at the end, the bacon alone will cause the scale to short out at your next weigh in, and when you fry, it's gonna smell like hickory.

I decided to go with a chowder-ish selection, and honed in on Baked Potato - it just sounded so good, and a giant bag of bakers at Costco is only a sawbuck (if you are not over 50, that's a fiver). I did some research and found a couple promising candidates, one from my friend Amber's McClusky (ND) Centennial Cookbook and the other Paula Deen...we all know where this is going. I whipped up a test batch, and I will not tell you what Handsome Stranger said about it because it was VERY naughty - suffice to say he quite enjoyed it. (the soup I mean...) I think you will too, and will curse me with a closed and shaking fist if you are trying to achieve a leaner, meaner you....it's quite heavenly in this lay person's opinion, but with devilish results to the dimples that will deepen on your heinie if you eat a lot. AMEN.

Baked Potato Soup

10 slices bacon

1/4 C. butter

1 C. onion

1/3 C. flour

4 C. milk (I used 2%, but you can use whatever your heart desires)

2 T. chicken base

4 HUGE baked potatoes, peeled and cubed

1 C. cheddar cheese, grated

1 C. sour cream

Salt & fresh ground pepper to taste

Slice bacon across into ¼” strips, fry until crisp, remove from pan and set aside. Put bacon drippings in large pot with butter, sauté onions in fat until tender and stir in flour; cook 2 minutes. Pour in milk, whisking constantly then add chicken base and cook until it starts to bubble, add potatoes and bacon, grind in some fresh pepper and a bit of salt then turn heat down and cook 10 minutes, stirring constantly to keep from sticking. Stir in cheese and sour cream, check seasoning and adjust as needed. You will have to stir it a lot when it's over heat...the milk and flour will make it want to stick and burn constantly. I will also thicken if kept warm....add more milk as needed, and be prepared to add more chicken base and/or salt if need be.

If I was serving this at a meal, I would put some sour cream in a Ziploc, cut off the corner and make a little zig zag of it on top, then sprinkle with a tiny bit of cheese, a few sprinkles of chives or green onion, and one tiny bacon piece on top with a skosh of pepper…..how pretty would that be! Actually, I would just get in the way of the spoon....no one wants to wait that long. And if you overindulge, they'll just comment "That's a fine doorful of a woman".....

"Hoagies and Grinders, Hoagies and Grinders..."

Cravings are born of what's close to your heart....and unfortunately for my fat-wrapped human engine, mayonnaise is fairly close to the top of my list. I love the stuff....not by itself, it has to have a vehicle to propel it into my mouth, but there are so many viable options I could not list them here without the blogspot.com police issuing me a "cease and desist" email threatening to cut me off if I don't stop blogging about Best Foods. I blame my mother, mostly because that is our national past-time, but because shoot mi madre knows her condiments.

As part of a 5 kid family with only one income, we were subjected to many unsavory things in the interest of stretching a dollar (or in some cases, a nickel) I've eaten a LOT of weird things that were called a "sandwich" simply because they were encapsulated in between two pieces of bread, but that would cause many a peer to blanch, quail, and recoil with horror when a lunchroom trade was suggested. They had their bologna and peanut butter and jelly, crusts cut neatly off on wonder bread that was softer than a puffy white cloud, nestled neatly in their Mod Squad lunchbox with a thermos of chicken noodle soup, a Twinkie, and a piece of fruit so perfect it was a shame that they tossed it in the trash without even thinking of eating it. Sigh...to be a "normal" kid.

We occasionally had lunchboxes, but with slovenly habits and the grace of a charging buffalo in the fine china department of Macy's, they were generally discarded early in the school year due to a broken thermos and a science experiment in how nasty an enclosed metal device can get if you forget to clean it out in favor of the disposable paper sack. The scene in "Uncle Buck" when Miles opens his full-size grocery sack and starts to unload the lunch his Uncle most likely cleaned out the fridge to attain always takes me back to the lunch room....the milk in a jar with a plastic bag rubber banded to the top was CLASSIC. (OK, it might not have been a bag on top, but that is what WE got.

PBJ was always an option, but I was never a fan....something about a warm peanut butter sandwich reminds me of stuff under the couch cushions. (NO....I was NOT the one who put them there....) Tuna mixed with mayo and sweet relish was a staple, bologna, salami with the whole peppercorns in it, so it was always fun to peel the bread off before eating and pick 'em out so you didn't spend the afternoon gagging and tearing up after biting down on one. Olive loaf, head cheese (it's really like square bologna with tiny cheese cubes in it), and cheddar or jack cheese - all were some of the more normal selections.

One that I loved, but not many others would touch with a ten foot pole was Braunschweiger.....yup, liver sausage. It looked like meat playdoh, tasted vaguely of liver and had the consistency of...well...hmm....nevermind, it's grossing me out trying to describe it. And none of this makes any sense because I despise liver with a white hot passion, but would still eat this every single day with mayo on white bread if it wasn't filled to bursting with even more delightful fat I don't want to buy bigger undies because of. And of course, every single one was liberally lubricated with that devil-in-a-jar. Delicious.

I suppose you have to grow up eventually - my big sister shared this recipe with me and we love it; I made it a lot when Handsome Stranger was doing Atkins...you can eat all the mayo you want, just not on bread. To which I said "Why bother livin' if you ain't gonna enjoy yourself once in a while?", to which he replied through a mouthful of bacon "Mmmm....bacon..." And I'm just gonna say it: you Adkins Addicts all have the worst breath on the planet. I don't care if you're burning ketones, you stink - eat some fruit and use some shout on your butter, bacon grease and mayonnaise stained shirts. And try this on some bread...your intestines could use a break from that giant meat log working it's way through your lower 40.

Choose-your-Chicken-Salad

4 C. diced cooked chicken

I like to use a whole rotisserie chicken from the store, and rip the whole thing asunder and chop up both dark and white meat...dark meat has all the flavor, you know. BUT, sometimes I don't want to stop at the store, so I pull frozen breasts outta the freezer, put them in a pot and cover with water and a skosh of salt and pepper, then cook at a slow boil for 30 minutes, remove from heat and cover and let stand another 30. Cool until you can handle and chop up. Or you could over roast, or even grill for a nice smoky flavor....'sup to you.

1-2 C. add ins

Go wild, use what YOU like - my pref is cranberries and either pecans or toasted almonds....here are a few suggestions:

Dried cranberries

Chopped apple

Diced peaches

Dried cherries

Green onion

Celery

Diced roasted red pepper

Chopped marinated artichoke hearts

Chopped black or kalamata olives

Capers (BLECK!)

Chopped green olives

Minced sun dried tomatoes

Toasted chopped almonds or hazelnuts

Chopped pecans or walnuts

Pan toasted pine nuts

Asiago cheese

Diced pickled jalepeno

Mini marshmallows (haha, kidding...but then again....)

OK, it's getting ridiculous....I never meant for you to use ALL of them, but 2 or 3 that will complement each other. So for instance jalepeno, artichoke and asiago would make it much like that delicious dip you get in restaurants to dip crackers or bread into. Peaches, almonds and green onion would be a delightful sweet/savory taste. I like the idea of apple/celery/walnuts for a Waldorf-ey experience too. My original recipe had green olives, roasted red pepper and almonds I think....but I have never made one that wasn't delicious!

Dressing

Super simple so the flavors of your add ins come through....

2 T. seasoned rice vinegar

1/2 to 1 C. Best Foods (Hellman's East of the Rockies) Mayo

Salt and FRESH GROUND PEPPER to taste

Mix the chicken with the add ins, then sprinkle the vinegar over all, add mayo to YOUR liking, then season as needed w/salt and pepper. Mayo has a lot of salt in it, as does vinegar....always add that last so you don't over salt it.

You can serve this so many ways....it's especially good on croissants, but bread, tortillas, crackers, pita, or on leaves of whatever lettuce turns your crank....romaine, butter, endive (I've never had that, BTW), or even in a celery stick if you chopped it fine enough will make an excellent vehicle for deliciousness. It would also be delightful spread on a baguette with some cheese on top and broiled, or rolled up in crescent roll dough and baked into a yummy strudel-ey thingy...I have always dreamed of putting it in puff pastries hot out of the oven and eating them off tiny doilies on a silver tray. But last night I dreamed that Son #2 was wearing purple suede pumps so I'm not sure I want anyone attempting to follow through on my nocturnal imaginings.
Sorry for that last image - it disturbed me greatly, but mostly because they were too big for me to borrow..."MEATLOAF SANDWICH".

"Ch ch ch chANGEs"....

Life changes come in many forms. Like when you go to the ER because you have some crazy-ass bout of food poisoning that has lasted for a week, and they tell you that is NOT something you ate, but something that will eventually eat YOU out of house and home, and that saltines and 7-up are the only things you will consume for the next 4 months. Another wake-up call is when your children all finally exceed the legal age of 18, and the day is finally here when you no longer have to worry about them....then your stomach turns into lead the first time one of them does something stupid/scary/BIG and it dawns on you that THAT DAY NEVER COMES. Those drug company commercials where old people are laughing and lying around naked in bathtubs on the beach are a LIE....we're too busy losing sleep over the mistakes our kids are making to frolic with pharmaceuticals in the sand - those people are obviously childless.

My daughter and her family are making a life change at this very moment - I think the steady harassment of family for them to move back to Oregon was not quite enough until the big hairy toe of homesickness stepped on and tipped the scales. SIL is probably heading back overseas for another year-long contract, and because I think this last year is the longest he's been home all at once for quite a while, the thought of being alone again was too much for her. Which is fine by me - if family gets overwhelming, they can get their own place and pretend they're not home when we come knocking, and leave the phone off the hook....I will just be supremely happy that they're closer than a 6+ hour flight to an airport where you fly over what smells like the biggest crap farm in the universe. How can you smell that on a PLANE way up in the air anyway??

This, in turn, will be a big change for us - we have Son #2 at home, but he is pretty self-contained, and only rarely grunts a need for something, like say a tow from the California border (haha, that was SO funny!). Depending on when a job comes through for SIL, we will quite possibly double the size of our household, and STILL we have one bathroom. There is a disturbance in the force, and Darth Stranger is starting to draw up plans for said commode #2 (haha, yes I said it) - even a half bath is better than none, so I am ready to give up part of my luxuriously sized laundry room so I can shower without the fear that someone at any given point will desperately need to come in and make me have to shower all over again.

Please understand, this is not a complaint - I am unbelieveably excited, but keeping it low key in case it somehow doesn't happen...that would be very bad - but just an observation that things are about to change big time for our family as a whole. My kids are all awesome, as are the people they attach themselves to, but are also very independent (see "stubborn", they get that from their father) souls, so we (see me) are all going to need to be flexible. Which means that if someone puts the steak knives in the cheese knife slot, or leaves the cereal bag open so it gets all stale and chewy, I'm going to have to swing with it. Altho eating the last graham cracker and not immediately getting in the car and going to the nearest open store for more could be punishable by death (I don't ask for much, but my GC's are WW crack). And the benefits will FAR outweigh any inconvenience....I have only dreamed of the day when my grandson would be instantly accessible for teasing and rubbing grammy's feet (gross...I am totally kidding), and my daughter back so the balance shifts back to girl power - along with my someday DIL, we are going to RULE!

Change is mostly good, it shakes up our complacency, makes our lives more interesting, and can help you to see what you're really made of. Which brings me to this: a recipe for change. I am working really hard at making things that are good for you but still edible, and when I tweak a terrible (see delicious and full of fat) recipe and actually make it better for you and STILL good-tasting, I feel like I just invented chocolate. OK, maybe not chocolate....but maybe graham crackers. So give this a try and tell me what you think....it got rave reviews here, but our taste buds could have been the first thing to disappear when we started losing weight!

Not-So-Fatty Patty's Killer Noodle Salad

I think the original had more noodles, less veggies, used regular peanut butter and more oil, but this version is far less point-plus intensive and still packs an amazing flavor punch. And load up on even more veggies if you want - you can also sprinkle chopped peanuts on top, but beware...those points add up FAST!

3 oz. fresh soba noodles (they look like fresh ramen, but are not deep fried)
1/4 C. seasoned rice vinegar
2 T. Peanutbetter (that stuff I told you about at Trader Joe's)
1 tsp. sesame oil (this is where a LOT of the flavor comes from...)
2 T. sugar
1 T. soy sauce
1 tsp. red curry paste (uh, yeah...I use maybe 1/4 tsp. so as to not set my hair on fire)
1/2 tsp. salt
2 C. shredded cabbage
1/2 red bell pepper
1 C. sugar snap peas
1 carrot, peeled or a handful of baby carrots
1 rib celery

Cook the soba as per directions - it only takes a couple minutes - drain and rinse with cold water and put in large bowl. In a small bowl, whisk vinegar, peanutbetter, oil, sugar, soy, curry paste and salt to a smooth emulsion, set aside. To prep veggies, wash and cut peppers and carrots into matchstick size pieces, then slice the sugar snap peas crosswise diagonally into 1/4" sections. Toss all veggies with noodles, pour over dressing and mix to coat. Adjust seasoning to taste, and serve cold - SO good and only 7 points plus for the WHOLE batch!

If you want to make this for more than just you, just multiply it per person for a main dish (you could add sliced cooked chicken breast for more protein - 3 oz. will add I think 2 more points), or for every two people if it's a side. You can also get fancy and add some toasted white and black sesame seeds, a tsp. is zero points, so just don't add more than that per serving and you're good to go. And if you don't care about the fat, by all means use regular peanut butter, drizzle in some olive oil and crust the top with crushed peanuts - shoot, you can eliminate the veggies altogether and stop yourself up for a month of Sundays! Just don't come to my house when it finally breaks loose....I still only have one bathroom, and I like the paint to stay on the walls, thank you very much.

There are too beaches in Seattle...

Handsome Stranger and I went to Seattle last weekend, and despite the horror of the big city, terrible traffic (FULL of Washington drivers - I think they do their driver's training on Mario Kart), and having to walk hills in the city that I SWEAR should require caribiners, nut tools and quickdraws, we actually had a great time.

In the frenzy of trying to do every single tourist thing possible in 3 days, we wore ourselves out....it's been 3 full days since we returned, and I am still exhausted. We blended in well with the other dorks taking pictures, running red lights (sheesh, why do you have to put them on the side like that?), and doing little jigs while waiting in line to pee because we never quite got the "Large Masses of Humanity and Only So Many Public Toilets" concept. And there were special moments - like when some lady cut me off as we were about to sit on a bench to share a croissant because she was going to sit there with the rest of her party who were still a half block away. I told her "Well, I'm sitting here too", so she ate her ice cream standing up and telling her family how rude I was. I did not tell her that someone should slap her momma for not teaching her manners, but I did say that we were there first, and there was still plenty of room for her. I guess her ass needed a zip code of it's own...but it wasn't as big as her mouth. I know, I'm terrible....just don't try to steal my bench and you'll be fine.

Sunday we vacated our hotel, then drove south to the Boeing Air Museum....it was far more interesting than I imagined. My gramps used to work for Boeing, I think something to do with graphic art which was probably pretty boring, but they had some really amazing exhibits. My dad was a huge fan of airplanes, especially war birds, and if he never made it up there, he really missed out. I think his love for them was passed on, just a little, because that was my favorite part of the museum - those planes were just magnificent. There was a hot air balloon basket they mounted on a tiny platform that hung over a ledge....scary as hell, but I went on it and had HS take my picture. He was horrified....and rightly so - if you moved the whole thing bounced like a diving board. Which is why I went on it...you only live once, and I get a lot of joy out of freaking HS out from time to time...I just hope I never have to tell him I'm pregnant again because I'm pretty sure this time it will kill him.

So just in case you wondered, here are my top 10 favorite things about Seattle:

1. If you are overwhelmed at the enormity of the city and what the hell you’re supposed to do next and burst into tears at Pike and 2^nd, passersby would surely put money in your cup even if it still has coffee in it.
2. Leaving EMP. (I want my 18 dollars back, Paul Allen)
3. 2 words. GUM WALL.
4. The old lady with the Australian accent at The Bite who teased Handsome Stranger for switching seats with me because “he doesn’t like me” (I actually didn’t want to suffer through his “eating elbow” in my face). When she got up to leave, I told HS she didn’t like us and made her giggle.
5. The nutty older gentleman street “performer” with two cats wearing sweaters.
6. The view of Seattle from Elliott Bay.
7. The butterfly habitat in the Science Center….one landed right on my chest, so I know they like things that are SWEET.
8. The mentally challenged panhandler who asked through a mouthful of smokehouse almonds if we could spare some change – I gave him a dollar and he shouted after us as we crossed the street “God Bless you!!”….he made me not mind so much that I had to climb back up the hill.
9. Two blocks later as we climbed a heinous hill while gasping and laughing about not making it, the random stranger who smiled and said “God Bless you both!” as he walked by.
10. That we do not live there.

So this weekend it's Son #2's birthday, and I asked him what he wanted to do for dinner on his special day. I know better than to ask this, because I'm fairly certain (see "bet money on it" in the dictionary) that he will ask me to make Chinese food....which is precisely what he said. I used to make a New Year's Eve feast for my family every year, but it's a lot of work, and I am trying to cut back on stuff like egg rolls, fried rice and pork dumplings - the egg foo yung is probably the best option other than a dry fried veggie stir fry, which nobody really wants. So I am going to make as much as I can in a more thoughtful and healthy style....I will have to fry some egg rolls, but I hear that you can actually bake them to get a non-greasy crispness, you can use ground chicken in the dumplings (yup, I DO make my own potstickers...I am magic that way), and I can try to use less oil in the fried rice....but we'll see. I made the following offering tonight, and just might make it again on Friday....the birthday boy proclaimed it "freakin delicious" even though it was full of veggies and very little fat. I'm getting very sneaky in my old age....

Garlic Pork & Green Beans

I made this up today because I got 5 lbs. of romano beans from my sister-in-law's farm, and am concentrating on veggie dishes this week to make up for my indiscretions in Seattle last week. And it's actually not bad for you at all - I'm starting to get the hang of making stuff that tastes like it's bad for you but does not leave a puddle of oil on the bottom of your plate when you're done....now I need to work on lowering the sodium. Oh salt, how I love thee....

2 lbs green beans, washed, ends trimmed and cut into 1/2" to 1" lengths
10 oz. pork loin, trimmed of all visible fat, and cut into strips
5-7 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
1 large onion, cut in half, then in strips from end to end
8 large mushrooms, washed and sliced medium thick
1 can water chestnuts
2 tsp. oil
1 T. dark soy sauce
1 T. rice wine
1/4 C. oyster sauce
2 tsp. sugar
1/4 tsp. msg
White pepper to taste (mine is about 1/4 tsp)

Preheat oven to 400. Spray a cookie sheet with Pam or olive oil, spread out green beans, then spray again. Sprinkle with a little kosher salt, then put in the oven and roast until they still have a little bite....sort of semi-tender. Remove from pan to stop cooking and set aside.

While beans are roasting, slice the pork loin chops in half (like butterflying but all the way through), or you can buy the extra thin sliced ones. Cut in matchstick style pieces, then put in bowl and sprinkle with 1 tsp. of the dark soy and rice wine, stir in. Let marinate while you prep veggies.

When beans are done and veggies prepped, heat a large skillet or wok and add 1 tsp. of oil. Add garlic, then immediately throw in pork and separate into one layer, stir fry until no longer pink, then dump in the beans and stir to coat and mix. Remove from pan and set aside.

Add 1 tsp. of oil to pan again and bring to smoking point. Throw in garlic, onion and mushrooms and start stir frying - when the onions start to get a little soft, add the water chestnuts and stir fry another minute or so until they're heated through. Dump in the beans/pork mixture, then add 2 more tsp. of dark soy, the oyster sauce, sugar and white pepper, and continue to stir fry until well coated and there is no excess sauce in bottom of pan. Adjust seasoning to taste, then serve over brown rice for an extra healthy meal that will fill you up, then empty you out the next day. I love brown rice...I use brown jasmine I found in bulk, and it's almost as soft as white but way better for you. And I think I have the cooking method down pat now - 3 cups water to 1 cup rice and a pinch of salt, bring to boil, cover and simmer until it's done....probly 30 minutes.

I divided this into 3 servings, and each was 5 points plus. 1 cup of brown rice brings that to 10 total, and it tasted like 25....now if I can get graham crackers to taste like Oreo's I can quit my job and hire someone to do all my prep work. Oh YEAH....

Water, water everywhere, nary a drop to flush

We take a lot for granted in our lives, and are usually pulled up by the short hairs when things go awry and stuff doesn't work like it should. Recently we had such a day at our house....after working all day, then coming home and making pies for an auction, salad for a Cinco de Mayo lunch at work the next day, and throwing dinner together, I walked over to the sink to rinse something off and when I pulled up the handle on the faucet, nothing came out. Brain: "WTH?" Hand: "Do it again...you must have screwed it up!" Mouth: "HONEY....we don't have any water. Crap". Handsome Stranger looks at me from his easy chair with a blank stare. He gets up, follows me to the kitchen, and does the same thing I just did. Nothing. Mouth: "Wow. I never thought to try THAT"; he makes no comment to my smartassery, just shuffles off to find his shoes and a flashlight and heads out to the pump house. Pump comes on, buzzes for 5 seconds then shuts off. Hmmm. No gurgle, splash or trickle of water into the cistern, just a dry silence. Nuts.

We've lived with a well for about 15 years now, and it never ceases to amaze me that we are never prepared for it going down. Altho old-timey wells with a handle are nice at times like this, it's ever so much more pleasant to have one that does all the work for you....pumping enough water to use in a day would probably result in us all being musclebound freaks who have to tear the sleeves off every shirt we own. And it happens more than you'd think....we live in the black forest, have above ground electrical cables, and trees delight in falling or dropping their branches on wires just to pay us back for chopping down one of their friends and cremating the remains just to toast our marshmallows. Once we had one tiny branch that forked itself over the wire right near the house, and ice built up on it until it shorted out, burning entirely through one cable and causing a power surge that made all the lights go so bright that I thought the ATF was raiding us for two pellet pistols and some homemade kahlua in our possession. It was fine tho...the insurance company deemed our stuff too cheap to bother with covering so we cancelled our claim and got some cool new electronics that might be worth 30% of what we paid for it if it ever happens again. Not that I'm bitter...

I sat on the couch, and texted my boss, hoping for some sympathy and the words "Don't worry about coming in tomorrow, just take care of business and yourself". After several return texts taunting me about moving in with my mother, sharing a latrine in the woods etc, it dawned on me that I had recently purchased 2 cases of bottled water for just such an emergency....thanks to her callous insensitivity I was able to have coffee and a refreshing sponge bath before work the next morning with a bottle of Western Family's finest. I hear you're not supposed to wash your hair every day anyway, and that if you don't shower, eventually your natural musk stops trying to compete with your deodorant, soap and the like, and mellows to the point you only smell like a festering yak on those not-so-fresh days or after bucking hay bales and slopping pigs. And I hate washing dishes, so it's a win-win.

Later that morning the pump guy showed up at 9, did a couple tests and determined that, indeed, the pump was fried. Several hours later, a cute little "skylight" in the pump house roof, 245 feet of pipe, a new pump, and a bill which I have not yet been apprised of, and we are doin' the wave again....I flush, therefore I am. After droughts where we lugged dirty clothes to the laundromat, hauled water in a portable cistern with our truck that subsequently got a new transmission (You haul heavy water over the Sylvan hill every day and that is inevitable), and have to wash dishes BY HAND for months, and you too will tell The Man to do what he needs to get your water back, please and thank you very much.

Think of this as part service announcement (ALWAYS have a case of bottled water on hand, you will not begrudge one drop of it when your 23 year old son who lives at home and eats a lot of cheese and beans comes out of the bathroom and says "I wouldn't go in there if I was you" because the remaining water in the pipes was frivolously used by his elderly parents to take their medication). Also, make sure to pay the pump guy on time with a smile and write "THANK YOU" on the check - I"m sure they can find stock rooms to clean and company trucks to wash and detail before they come help you next time if you bitch about the bill. And how about a recipe that fits right in with this subject? Yup...it's got beans....

Chili Corn Bread Salad

This sounds really weird, and it's less like a salad and more like....well....I don't know, it's just weird. But if you never gave me a chance after my first post, you wouldn't be reading this right now, so see? Weird CAN work....

1 package corn muffin mix (8.5 oz?), prepared as per directions
1 can chopped green chilis (4 oz), undrained

1 C. mayonnaise
1 C. sour cream (I always use light...if you can find Breakstone it's da BOMB)
1 envelope ranch dressing mix

2 cans S&W Pinquitos, drained (you can use chili beans, just make sure they have sauce)
2 cans corn, drained, or 4 C. frozen corn, cooked, drained and cooled
3 medium tomatoes, chopped
1 C. green onion, thinly sliced (optional if your man is all whiny about it)
10 bacon strips, cooked crisp and crumbled
2 C. cheddar cheese, grated OR mexican blend from a bag

Mix cornbread according to instructions, but stir in the chilies and then spread in a greased pan the size the box says. Bake at 400 20 to 25 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean, let cool a bit. In a small bowl, combine mayo, sour cream and ranch mix, set aside. When cornbread is cool enough to handle, cut in half and break up half of it into another 9x13 pan or dish. Layer with half of EACH of the beans, mayo mixture, corn, tomatoes, onions, bacon and cheese; crumble the other half of the cornbread on top and then the other half of beans, mayo, corn, tomatoes, onion, bacon and cheese. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours, then have at it. So many flavors, but it just works....I just haven't figure out why they call it salad because it has everything to be a one dish meal - just extra delicious!

I have just succeeded in making myself very hungry, and Handsome stranger is gonna be late tonight...I gotta stop blogging before dinner. Maybe I should have a nice big glass of.....WATER?? Thanks pump guys!