Meant to Be...

36 years is a long time to do anything.  Really….if someone told you that you had to drive the same car for 36 years, you’d probably think they were crazy.  All those dings and dents, layers of paint, worn out upholstery, sagging springs, cloudy windshield, the MILES….not to mention the strange noises, weird smells, and all the little defects you finally gave up on fixing and just pretend not to notice anymore.  But then again, it’s COMFORTABLE….you have your butt-print in the seat, the stations programed just how you like em, and you know exactly what to do if you really need to make it go – it’s like a part of you.  As long as it never leaves you stranded, it’s been there for you rain or shine, why break in an unknown?

So yeah…..my 36^th wedding anniversary is coming up in May, and it’s hard to believe neither of us has wrapped the other around a tree or launched into a ravine.  I kid…sort of.  As I get older (and I’m fairly certain it has to do with hormone depletion) I’m much more mellow about the man bringing home another lawnmower he found in the dumpster at work, or when I stumble across a stash of shiny new tools bought on the sly at Harbor Freight and put away in the garage immediately rather than on the dining room table to grow cobwebs until he is directed to remove them or dig them out of the recycling bin.  I try to save my righteous indignation for work - peeps should be paid to fear me.

As for the wear and tear, at least we are a matched pair….he has the crinkle between his eyebrows and he HATES that I point it out when he’s mad about something, I have the “mad mouth” wrinkle that makes me look like my mom/gramma in their golden years, and we have matching aches, pains, and titanium stents – we really do believe in togetherness.  But there is nothing wrong with comfortable....I like that I don’t have to suck in my gut all the time, and if I need to, hell, there’s underwear for that.

Speaking of comfort, again with the soup….it’s a warm cozy hug in a bowl, and like a fuzzy blanket will relax you, fill your tummy, and put you to sleep.  Must be old people food….we eat more and more soup as we move through life, I’m thinking it’s the geezer version of baby food.  Easy to digest, not a lot of chewing, and plenty of veggies to keep you regular – it’s geriatric genius!  This recipe came about because I’ve always wanted to make it, but didn’t know where to find the little pasta balls.  I think there is a specific pasta for this, but found Israeli couscous to look suspiciously similar in size, so I got my hands on some, then started googling and came up with my own recipe – it is a new fave, and I use kale instead of spinach, which I recently found is very good for your eyes…anything that helps avoid growing more squinty lines is awesome in my book! 

  

Italian Wedding Soup

I read that this is a common offering at Italian restaurants everywhere, but I’ve never seen it…wait, is Pizza Hut Italian?  I have, however, seen it at my local grocery store, in a large pot by cardboard cups, and most likely poured out of a gigantic waxed milk type carton and heated to temp so that random people can stick their fingers in it or double dip with the inevitable tasting spoons nearby.  I prefer to make my own, thank you very much, where I control the germ content, know exactly what’s in it, and don’t have to pay $3.99 for a container that won’t even fill one of my special soup cups.  If you don’t like to chop, stir, brown, season, and be creative, there are a few cheats, otherwise you can get yours at the store…it’s like having a close personal relationship with your entire community!

Meatballs

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut in 1-2” chunks (or about 12 oz. ground chicken or turkey)

½ tsp. garlic salt

¼ c. panko (or bread crumbs, or make your own by grating a piece of soft bread but use a little more)

1 egg white (just do it, you don’t need the yolk)

Soup

1 T. olive oil (or whatever oil, just not motor)

2 Carrots, peeled and cut in half (large ends in quarters) and sliced thickish

3 stalks celery, split and cut in chunklets (I like the middle part…use the leaves)

I small onion, chopped

1-2 tsp. dried thyme

½ bunch of kale, as much of the stem cut off as possible and chopped

2 quarts of chicken broth (use water and a good chicken base if you don’t make your own (wuss) or  buy the stuff in cartons/cans (what’s THAT like??)

1 C. hot water

½ C. Israeli couscous (Not an easy find, but Fred Meyer has in bulk - you can use any small pasta instead)

Salt and pepper to taste

You can pan fry or roast the meatballs, so if you prefer the low maintenance method, heat the oven to 375 and spray a cookie sheet.  If you went boneless skinless, you need to either throw the chunks of raw chicken breast in a food processor, then pulse until it’s all ground up…poke around in there with a spatula (not while it’s running), and pulse again to make sure there are no chunks left.  Scrape into bowl, and add the other ingredients and mix, then shape into teeny, tiny meatballs.  Soooooo cute!!  Put on cookie sheet and bake in oven for about 10 minutes….should get a little golden on the bottom.  Remove and let cool on sheet.  You can also spray a big fry pan and cook them that way….just keep moving them so they roll around, and then let them cool in the pan until you’re ready.

(Feeling extra lazy??  Put meat mixture on a piece of wax paper, and use your hands to flatten and shape into a square about ½” thick.  Use a big knife to cut through it both directions in a ½” square grid, then flop the whole thing, meat side down, into an oiled (sprayed) heated large skillet big enough to accommodate the square.  Let brown, then peel off the wax paper, flip it over, and brown on the other side.  Once they’re browned, you can use the edge of your spatula to separate them all, and voila!  Tiny square meatballs!)

In large stock pot, add oil and heat to medium high, then add carrot, celery and onion and saute until onion is translucent.  Add thyme and stir a minute or so (I hear this toasts the herbs and makes them more flavorful), then add kale and stir in (fresh spinach is the norm, and it’s added at the end – my son in law ate all the spinach so I subbed kale and really liked it).  Pour in the chicken broth and turn up to high and add the meatballs.  Pour the 1 cup hot water into the pan you cooked the meatballs in, and make sure you scrape up every bit of lovely fond, then pour that into the soup….colors it beautifully!

Now, on another burner, heat a skillet until hot and dry.  Add the couscous and shake, shake, shake that pan!  Keep those balls moving, and when a delicate golden brown, dump them into the soup and listen to the sizzle!  When the pot boils, turn down to simmer and let cook about 10 minutes, or until couscous is tender.  Salt and pepper to taste, add fresh grated Parmesan to the top when serving if you like, and have at it….only thing that makes this better is a second bowl!

The other thing about a 36 year commitment is that eventually it becomes, as our grandson points out, a “classic”….that does not necessarily denote great value or desirability, but sure feels like home to me – here’s to another 36 years, HS – you are priceless to me!

A Gift From the Heart

Handsome Stranger has struggled for years when it comes to gifts for me, and I really feel bad for him. I never think "For cryin' out LOUD, you've known me for over 33 years, why the HELL can't you read my mind??" because I don't know what I want myself most of the time. I am also cheaper than than the day is long, and will, immediately upon opening any gift, will think (in my head most of the time) "Where did you buy this? Was it on sale or did you use a coupon? Did you check online to see if you could get it for less?"....I can't help it. He overthrew the flowery romantic notion of buying jewelry long ago since I just lose it; the last such items were a new rock in my engagement band because apparently the other one broke off and is probably in a landfill or one of our former custodians teeth (I think it happened in the file room), and a simple anniversary ring for our 25th that I am actually wearing right now. And that is fine with me - the man played his hand when he bought me the Camaro for my 50th so he can do what he wants.

It is also difficult to surprise me. I hate knowing what I'm getting, so I've had to be very careful during the month of December to not look at my bank account (I clean up the aftermath on the 26th), avoid rifling through his wallet and drawers, and run away if I see a box/bag/mysterious lumpy thing that appears to be in one of our big suitcases...ruins the surprise. But this year he was successful...I had no clue (except the box of Sees, I could smell the damn raspberry creams through the wrapping paper) and was delighted when I unwrapped a set of Kitchenaid pasta making attachments I have always wanted but was too cheap to buy. I've seen the occasional one at Goodwill, but after noting cat hair in one, determined that purchasing one second hand would be like using a toothbrush you found in a gas station bathroom. And he used a coupon....I love that man!

So my first experience was making lasagne noodles....you only use one attachment, the roller, and just have to run the rested dough through on several different settings until it's the width of the roller and as thick as you like, then lay it out on towels while you make the rest of the ingredients so you can put it all together. It was AMAZING lasagne...the sheets were thin, and had a more pastry-ish quality - tender and almost creamy, without that rubbery bite but not mushy either. Best lasagne I have ever had....anywhere. The second was a marathon session where I made TWO batches of lasagne and two of fettucini....that day I made traditional and veggie alfredo lasagne, and once again, could not have been more pleased with the results. Then I used some of the fettucini for a huge batch of cottage cheese, noodles and bacon that Ethan requested for days afterwards, and then some with bolognese sauce for him one night we were eating something highly objectionable to him (he's not really picky, just 10) to a very happy outcome. I also shared some of the dried fettucini with a friend, and she said it was really good...I choose to believe her.

Today everyone was watching the Maltese Falcon, and I was bored because it was in BLACK & WHITE....sheesh, we used to have to watch that in the middle ages (1960's), and they didn't even bother to colorize it. I love that they were SO un-PC back then, and we got some pretty good guffaws out of some of their mannerisms and choices of vocab, but it wasn't enough to keep me entertained so I grabbed an apron and noodled up. I rolled the sheets a bit thicker, then cut them by hand into strips about as wide and long as my thumb....then I made chicken veggie soup and threw those delicious eggy strips of heaven into the pot. Not very many people make noodles by hand, mostly cause it's a giant pain in the arse - that is unless you have magical machines to do the hard part, but either way...BEST. CHICKEN. SOUP. ON. THE. PLANET. I should build a shrine to Kitchenaid, but that would be false idolatry so I won't, but man-oh-man you should try it sometime.....it takes a bit of elbow grease to roll out pasta dough, but this soup is SO very worth it!

Chicken NOODLE Soup

So if you want to use homemade, the recipe will follow for the pasta, otherwise I highly suggest you buy fresh or the frozen egg noodles....the kind in the bag are never as good. Or you can make the soup with no noodles and avoid the carbs - sometimes I add butternut squash I've roasted and that's good too. But I have suspected for years that the Manna the Israelites found every morning in the desert for 40 years while they wandered lost because Moses didn't have GPS was actually noodles....they just changed the name later.

1 T. olive oil

3 large raw chicken breasts, cut into 1/4" dice

1.5 C. celery, cut in 1/4" slices

1.5 C. onion, diced

1.5 C. carrots, cut in half and 1/4" thick

2 C. frozen or fresh corn

1.5 C. crookneck squash, 1/2" dice (they will break down a little)

1/2 LARGE cabbage, coarsely chopped

16 C. Hot water OR chicken broth

5 T. chicken soup base (the paste type is the best) if using water

1/2 tsp. turmeric (yellow curry)

Salt and FRESH GROUND black pepper to taste

1 lb. fresh pasta

Heat olive oil in large stock pot until smoking, add chicken, celery, onion, carrot, corn and saute for a couple minutes. Add squash and cabbage and cook a couple more minutes until it all kind of wilts, then put in water, soup base (or broth), and seasonings. Bring to a boil and cook for about 8 minutes, then add pasta and stir, continuing to cook at a low boil about 5 minutes or until pasta is at least al dente. It will continue to cook from the heat in the pot, but you can serve immediately or let it sit a while....the flavor will actually improve if you can believe that.

If you want to make the pasta, I will give you the recipe I use for the Kitchenaid, but you may have to actually mix it with your hands if you don't have a fancy mixer...OR you can use a food processor, just not a hand mixer unless you want a new one when it burns up from attempting to mix concrete.

Egg Noodles

3.5 C. sifted AP flour

1/2 tsp. table salt (kosher grains are too big)

1 T. water

4 whole eggs

Put all ingredients in mixer and use the flat beater, beat on 2 for 1-2 minutes until flour is incorporated, then switch to dough hook and knead on 2 for 2 minutes. Remove dough from hook/bowl and knead for another 1-2 minutes or until smooth. Let rest covered with a towel for 20 minutes or it will just laugh at you if you try to roll it out. This is where I run it through the rollers on 1, folding it every time and repeating 4 or 5 times, then roll it once at 2, once at 3 and once at 4 to make thick ones (I think it goes up to 7). If you are doing it manually, you just cut the dough in 4 pieces, and start rolling with a rolling pin.....they should be about as thin as...well....a noodle. Then cut into smaller squares, then in whatever size noodle you want.

I used them fresh, just cook in whatever for 4-5 minutes for the thick ones, but you can dry them on a towel for later, just make sure they are separated and don't stack...they will stick together and you will say very bad words and cook the whole deformed mess, then cry bitter tears of disappointment while you eat your noodles with a steak knife and fork, raking them through a puddle of melted butter and they will STILL be delicious. And THAT, my friends, is a gift from MY heart.

All eyes are on you....

Yup, another potato post - I bet you couldn't wait! I volunteered to make a gigantic pot of soup for St. Frank's annual Holiday Sampler, a yearly wingding our parish puts on with a giant bazaar of handmade items all donated by the congregation. There is some serious talent and very deep pockets in Roy, and they are not stingy about sharing with those willing to part with a few bucks. I'm always amazed at how much work these people do to benefit their church and school - not many bazaars you go to are all donations....we're unique!

Potatoes have always been a filler in my cooking - baked, boiled and mashed, hash browns, french fries, chowders and delicately browned in a skillet - there ain't a lot about em I don't like. Son #2 makes an ethereal buttermilk potato bread with them that KILLS me every time - it's just not something I can pass up, and my points tracker makes a frowny face at me on days he makes it. I also lovelovelove a giant baker stuffed with butter, sour cream, bacon, green onion and black pepper and will eat it skin and all if it's baked correctly. Wanna know how? Magic...haha.

Actually, you just wash and dry giant spuds, poke them all with a small sharp paring knive a couple times on each flat side, then toss them in a ziploc one or two at a time with some olive oil and coat, then put em on a cookie sheet and liberally sprinkle kosher salt on both sides and bake at 375 about 1.5 hours or until that paring knife will slide right through em...the salt tenderizes them and flavors from the outside in. I overcooked the soup batch, and had to peel them a bit deeper after they cooled - Handsome Stranger finally had to throw the peels in the trash with smelly garbage because he could not leave them alone. I was going to make some smart-ass comment about the Great Potato Famine, but after looking it up on Wiki, I was ashamed of myself. Yes, that does happen.

So yeah, the soup. I was asked to make some last year for the luncheon that is the "Sampler" part of this event, and my butternut coconut curry soup was very well received....a few people had a look on their face like "Yah, like I'm gonna eat something that looks like regurgitated carrots", but I didn't take offense. I just found out what they drove and poured a little in their gas tank to take home and try later. I agonize over something that a large number of random people will be exposed to, especially since I go to church with a lot of them - you really don't want people that have calluses on their knees from praying on them since they were 3 getting some kind of food borne illness because of you - you could end up with the 7 plagues of Roy all over you. I'm pretty sure they are doing chicken noodle and minestrone again, so I wanted a thicker and more calorific option - yes folks, this will not have WW points plus values at the end, the bacon alone will cause the scale to short out at your next weigh in, and when you fry, it's gonna smell like hickory.

I decided to go with a chowder-ish selection, and honed in on Baked Potato - it just sounded so good, and a giant bag of bakers at Costco is only a sawbuck (if you are not over 50, that's a fiver). I did some research and found a couple promising candidates, one from my friend Amber's McClusky (ND) Centennial Cookbook and the other Paula Deen...we all know where this is going. I whipped up a test batch, and I will not tell you what Handsome Stranger said about it because it was VERY naughty - suffice to say he quite enjoyed it. (the soup I mean...) I think you will too, and will curse me with a closed and shaking fist if you are trying to achieve a leaner, meaner you....it's quite heavenly in this lay person's opinion, but with devilish results to the dimples that will deepen on your heinie if you eat a lot. AMEN.

Baked Potato Soup

10 slices bacon

1/4 C. butter

1 C. onion

1/3 C. flour

4 C. milk (I used 2%, but you can use whatever your heart desires)

2 T. chicken base

4 HUGE baked potatoes, peeled and cubed

1 C. cheddar cheese, grated

1 C. sour cream

Salt & fresh ground pepper to taste

Slice bacon across into ¼” strips, fry until crisp, remove from pan and set aside. Put bacon drippings in large pot with butter, sauté onions in fat until tender and stir in flour; cook 2 minutes. Pour in milk, whisking constantly then add chicken base and cook until it starts to bubble, add potatoes and bacon, grind in some fresh pepper and a bit of salt then turn heat down and cook 10 minutes, stirring constantly to keep from sticking. Stir in cheese and sour cream, check seasoning and adjust as needed. You will have to stir it a lot when it's over heat...the milk and flour will make it want to stick and burn constantly. I will also thicken if kept warm....add more milk as needed, and be prepared to add more chicken base and/or salt if need be.

If I was serving this at a meal, I would put some sour cream in a Ziploc, cut off the corner and make a little zig zag of it on top, then sprinkle with a tiny bit of cheese, a few sprinkles of chives or green onion, and one tiny bacon piece on top with a skosh of pepper…..how pretty would that be! Actually, I would just get in the way of the spoon....no one wants to wait that long. And if you overindulge, they'll just comment "That's a fine doorful of a woman".....

It's a Gramma thing...

It's fall again, I can no longer wear my flip flops to work, and not just because my pedicure is starting to grow out, but because my toes turn an unfashionable shade of blue. That and "flip-flop" turns into "squish-squash" because of the rain, and then there are those weird looks from people who think maybe I should be the recipient of a Salvation Army box for the upcoming holidays. I miss the sun and the warm (only because in Oregon it's rarely so hot that, in order to keep cool, you'll make unfortunate fashion choices like daisy dukes and a tube top at ages that are nearing the Basic Rule and weights that are only admirable in a pumpkin growing contest), but am delighted that we're back to "soup weather". I LOVE SOUP, even if some think it's "Gramma food" - put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Soup was not a staple growing up, that is unless it came out of a can or was being used to empty the coffers of a large number of vegetables that would have been better off on the compost heap. My dad did not like most veggies...he was pretty picky, and when Mom started including them in our food as "vitamins", she frequently had to make him "special" dinners that would have made Jack LaLanne blanch in horror. (Jack was like 150 years old, and still appeared to be in his 60's...all due to exercise, vegetables, and pulling boats around in ice cold water...look him up) For us there was no escape...you ate what was put in front of you, and if it happened to be some kind of soup with many veggies blended up in it in a failed attempt to trick Dad into eating it, you only hoped that there was ketchup on the table to help you choke it down. It was especially egregious when Dad was sitting pretty at the head of the table, wolfing down a steak sandwich or a hamburger steak with mashed potatoes - how RUDE.

The other experience was Campbell's....most of the time it was tomato, chicken noodle, bean with bacon, or cream of mushroom, all of which I loved, but a far cry from homemade, stick to your ribs, full of flavor, meaty and satisfying soup that I am now a proponent of. Yesterday, thanks to a score on some reduced beef roast (did you know that when it's older it has more flavor, and that's how they age premium steaks? True story....) and a shopping trip that included half a cart full of just produce, I decided to make a HUGE batch of one of our favorites. AND it's good for you and only 3 points plus per cup - and it will produce a TON of leftovers that can be refrigerated for many other meals, or even frozen. And soup is always better as it ages....somehow flavors just multiply, not unlike bunnies or Catholics prior to the 1970's. And it is so comforting to eat hot soup on a cold day....kind of like a sweater, but inside your tummy instead of outside. Just beware of leaky spoons....a napkin tucked into the neck of your shirt is less gauche than soup splotches from your collar bone to your navel.

Beef Barley Soup

It's REALLY thick....if you like it more soupy, you can add more water and beef base if you want, maybe less cabbage or veggies, but you're missing the point. VEGGIES ARE GOOD FOR YOU!

23 oz. lean beef, cut in small cubes about the size of your little fingernail.

1 T. oil

1 large onion, diced

3 large carrots, diced

4 stalks celery, diced

3 cloves garlic, pressed or minced

3 C. chopped mushrooms (fresh or I use the dry mix, reconstituted in hot water)

1/4 C. red wine (optional, I just think it gives the broth more depth)

1-1/2 C. barley

12 C. hot water

3 T. beef base

1 T. salt

1 tsp. fresh ground pepper

4 C. diced cabbage

1-1/2 C. diced yellow squash

Heat oil to smoking over medium-high in dutch oven or stock pot, add beef and let sit until it gets a good sear on one side, then stir and allow to sear again. Add onion, celery, carrot and garlic and stir occasionally, about 10 minutes or until onion and celery softens. Add wine, barley, water, beef base and salt and pepper and stir; bring to a boil, then add cabbage and squash. Bring to a low boil, then simmer for 1 to 1-1/2 hour or until beef is tender. Adjust seasoning as needed.

Yes, it's that simple....and you only got a cutting board, a knife, a pot, and a spoon dirty. And if you serve it with some of Creative Daughter's multi grain and Son #2's potato buttermilk breads, it will make you feel like you put on wool socks, a soft Grammy sweater, and burrowed under a cozy fleece blankie in front of a roaring fire....if it's summer, you may want to crack out the daisy dukes and tube top. Or maybe just take a nap....

He who smelt it, dealt it.

I AM AWESOME. Just wanted to get that out of the way. My first non-work day of Spring Break (I work within the Education Sytem, therefore I get approximately 200 paid days off a year AND I don't even have to work with booger eaters) and I have already achieved greatness. This morning after I made coffee and took a shower, I packed a healthy lunch for Handsome Stranger, sent him on his way because SOMEONE has to work, then proceeded to commence with my list O' tasks for the day:

Clean house
Do taxes
Make soup

I'm sure you are scoffing...."No way is she gonna do all that on a day off - I bet she'll be on fb all day, probably eating peanut butter from a spoon that she dips in the open bag of chocolate chips the whole time". HA. The peanut butter was in Son #2's room, therefore no longer safe as I did not notice a stock of clean butter knives or spoons nearby, leading me to believe he either uses his finger or possibly a screwdriver to satisfy the passing pb urge. GROSS. Also, I used up all the chocolate chips making cookies for someone...I forget who, but you can be sure it wasn't me. I used up all MY points on Skinny Cow ice cream sammiches - they are low fat, and if you eat 4 and can't have your dinner, so be it....don't judge me.

And since the intranet was down this morning, and my calls to Frontier went unsatisfied (found out later about 10 thousand of us were out), I set to the tasks at hand. I cleaned, I vacuumed, I dusted, I put everything away that all the slobs in my house apparently think magically find their way back to their homes so they can find them when needed...I even did the dishes - WOW. Which was somewhat backwards Karma-ic since I was about to make a whole bunch more dirty ones. I cleaned out the produce drawers, went into chop-o-matic mode and got a big pot of beef barley on to simmer for a couple hours. Then I make a quickie turkey/veggie/orzo soup for my lunch, and had a nice lunch break, determining that daytime TV is a total wasteland and that there was a kleenex I missed under the couch.

Moved on to some paper shuffling, finding all the pieces needed to do my taxes, some more cleaning and bed-stripping and laundry, and then back to the kitchen to check on the soup. PERFECTO...I am lovin' beef with barley! And since it's still early, I decide to throw caution to the wind and whip up some chili - Handsome Stranger loves it too, and fiber is so good for him! Not so much for the rest of us tho....I try to direct him to face TOWARD open flame for a day or so after a big bean fest. That and I buy tons of stock in Diamond Matches and Yankee Candle. Came out marvelous, as usual, and I even got a good part of the taxes done while it cooked! Too bad it looks like I'm paying this year...Uncle Sam must need something REALLY important if he's asking ME for money, I tell you. Wonder if he'd accept chili in trade??

This is a nice and healthy chili - and it is MADE FROM SCRATCH. You need to learn how to cook beans in case there is ever a national emergency and you have to stand in line to get rations of stuff like dry beans, rice, and vodka. Or in case you go on Survivor. And it is frightfully low in fat - you will have to add some to it if you want a grease stain on your Sunday-best flannel.

Turkey Chili

Step 1 - Bean soak:

2 lbs. PINK BEANS They are pink, and medium sized...don't use pintos, they are not right for chili, trust me. If you're really anal, go ahead and check the beans for rocks/pebbles...I never do, I just tell the kids it's a prize, and they get a new toothbrush, dental floss, and a shiny new filling if they find one. In a large pot, cover 2" above level of beans with cold water, bring to a boil and boil for 2 minutes. Take pan off burner, cover and let stand 1 hour.

Step 2 - Cook beans:

Dump beans in a colander, rinse pan and beans until they drain clear, dump back in pan and cover with cold water again to 2" above bean level. Add:

1 very large onion (3 cups chopped)
4 jalepeno peppers, seeded and chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped

Stir and bring to boil, turn heat down and simmer covered, 1 to 1.5 hours, or until beans are tender. Make sure they're fully cooked...adding salt before they're done can make for hard beans. I don't make this crap up, it's happened to me...then you have to cook it FOREVER. Once the beans are nice and tender, you're ready to chili it up!

Step 3 - Chili it UP!:

To the cooked beans (and liquid), add:

1 lb. ground turkey, browned (don't drain it - that is your only fat in this)
15 oz. can tomato sauce
6 oz. can tomato paste
28 oz, can diced tomatoes, blended or processed (I HATE big chunks of tomato in chili)
4 oz. can chopped green chilies
1/3 C. chili powder
1 tsp. hot chili powder (optional)
2 tsp. cumin
1-2 tsp. dried oregano
2 tsp. salt
Fresh ground pepper (optional)

Bring to a boil, stirring constantly, turn down to simmer and let cook at least 30 minutes to develop the flavors, or longer if you want to make it even thicker. This would be good with big slabs of cornbread and butter, or like when I was a kid, a big stack of saltines to smash up over it, or you could ladle it over a bowl of fritos, top with cheese & sour cream and call it good. It's great in an omelet, on an open-faced burger or a hot dog (altho I don't put chili with beans on hot dogs anymore...try the coney sauce recipe and you'll know why), not to mention a few scoops mixed with your mac and cheese...it's a soup, it's a sauce, it's a topping - and only 5 points plus per cup! And for entertainment later, you can go outside with a lighter and an ice pack and light up the night sky....I would not recommend it for the uber hairy, however.

6-pack up to the bowl....

I know, you don't want to hear it - this is not really where you go to find healthy, good for you recipes...you want comfort, butter coming out of your pores, a whipped cream moustache and chocolate that takes 10 minutes to lick off your fingers. So do I, so do I.....but it's new world (possible WW infringement) and like I commented on fb yesterday, I someday want to be able to scramble in and out of a race car with the doors welded shut without getting stuck. It's all about speed, baby....

Even though this is good for you, it's also delicious and filling, and will give you so many of your daily vegetables you'll be good for 12 of your usual "isn't the pickle in my McDouble a veggie?" days. And it's not one of those ZERO POINTS soups...gross. I'm sorry, but I gotta have some heft in my liquids, otherwise I feel like the waterbed we had in the 70's...and 80's....and.....nevermind. Sloshing does not feel full to me, and it reminds me that I will shortly be required to stop whatever I'm doing and find a bathroom FAST or suffer the taunts and jeers of those who have a bladder larger than a pea. And by the way, if you see a woman heading purposefully to the can, and beat her to the door, be aware that if you don't let her go first, the plants in the hallway may start to wither and die....just saying. One time a lady actually "front ended" me in a parking lot, throwing it into reverse and slamming into me for a last second parking spot...I was annoyed, but when she whispered "As a woman you understand...I have diarrhea..." I only lectured her about driving like a maniac and didn't go postal on her, because I've been there.

Sorry, got off track there - hope I didn't just ruin it for you. I have been eating this soup since Sunday, and it's so bloody good I will never get sick of it - sure it's 7 points for 2 cups, but you will be so full for so long you may not even need 2 cups....and one cup is only 3 points! The broth doesn't just lie there, it sits up and says "Howdy!", without being obnoxious and spicy hot. I've used recipes, but decided to go the "do-it-yourself" route - I find that culminates in some of my very best recipes. And it's CHEAP too....nothing fancy, and it makes a nice big pot - if I wasn't so anal about points, I would toss a nice heavy loaf of artisan bread, possibly filled with roasted garlic cloves, in the oven to get all warm and crispy and delicious...then I would slather it with butter and never get in that damn race car. Hmph. Winter is still dragging her butt through my life, so it's still soup time....get some while the gettin's good!

Checkered Flag Minestrone

1 tsp. olive oil (REALLY, you only need a tiny bit)
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 medium onion, chopped
3 stalks celery, chopped ( I like to use the centers including leaves...use more cause they're little)
4 carrots, peeled and chopped
1 C. frozen corn
1 lb. ground turkey
1/2 head green cabbage, chopped
1 C. macaroni or other small pasta (you can break up spaghetti too...whatev)
2 cans diced tomato (I like the fire roasted with black bits)
1 can white kidney (cannelini) beans, with liquid
8-12 C. hot water (start with 8, then as pasta soaks it up add more to your pref)
2 T. beef base (bullion, but I use the paste kind)
3 T. ketchup
1 tsp. dried thyme leaves
Salt and pepper to taste

Heat oil in large stockpot, add garlic, onion, celery and carrot and saute until it starts to soften. Add corn and stir, then add turkey, stirring and breaking into small chunks until it's no longer pink. Add cabbage and macaroni, cook a few more minutes, then add rest of ingredients, bring to a full boil, then turn to medium low and cook at a low boil for 10-12 minutes or until pasta is tender. I think you should come out with about 14 cups, and it will be a nice thick soup...if you like it more brothy, you can add more water, bullion, ketchup and seasoning - but I prefer it nice and thick. I think traditionally you would grate some Parmesan over it, but that adds points unless you use like a teaspoon of that fakey powder crap....do what you have to.

That is 3 points plus per cup, 7 for 2 cups (.points are measured by full number increments, so it's a high 3), and you will be happier than a pig in mud with a big steaming bowl of this. And remember, if you eat the bread with butter....is it really so important if it also requires you to butter your arse to get in that car?? Vroom-vroom....

Family Hazing: Sport or a Test of Character?

I thought with Christmas winding down the the last few minutes, and the New Year fast approaching, that I should suggest a family tradition so you don't have to wait until Easter to foist a new one off on yours. We all have ours, from dressing up in old-timey clothes and caroling to neighbors who will hide behind the curtains rather than open up their door to a bunch of dorks that don't even sing "Santa Baby", to Advent calendars that teach children that Jesus coming to earth as a flesh-and-blood human being is always predicated by a delicious chocolate for 24 days prior. Good luck getting those kids through an entire Christmas Mass....

I have to tell you that when I was a kid, we actually did go caroling door to door - we lived in a suburb of Portland and my parents thought that was a keen idea. Most of the time people did not come to the door...I mean really, it was the 60's, and I mean NINETEEN SIXTY'S you smart ass...we did not drive sleighs or wear top hats, and it was just a weird thing to do then. Sometimes I wonder if our own parents sent us out with our musty-smelling songbooks they must have rescued from a moldy church basement and giggled furiously thinking how stupid we must have looked to all the neighbors. Luckily I was young enough to think it was fun, and that I could actually sing....and sometimes they would open the door and give us a piece of candy or something - it's a good thing kids are stupid.

We have a family tradition that is at least as old as me - a half a century or more qualifies it as official in my book, and no newcomer to this clan can escape it entirely - it has been handed down generation to generation, and all those born into it accept it like taking breath. It's like having two arms, freckles, or pasty white skin - you can't imagine being in our family without it. The newcomers, those who marry into it, tend to look at you like you are trying to kill them, or perhaps playing an elaborate prank where they ingest something that makes them projectile vomit until they can no longer stand on wobbly knees, then vow to never eat any of the products that make up the whole of this recipe....I KNOW, how could something so delicious seem so bad?? This tradition, one that I have never heard of anything that even remotely resembles it, is what we simply call "Polish Dish".

As I may have mentioned, my great-grandparents, Peter and Tecla, came from Poland originally - not sure how far back this recipe dates, and if it was translated from Polish as that is what Tecla wrote her recipes in, but I am guessing it goes back at least to their generation. And since my grampa was born in 19somethingteen, that makes it an antique. I did some research online, and finally found some references to a similar product, and the most common name for it was "White Borscht". Which is weird since borscht is made with beets...maybe they were so poor they didn't even have those? Dunno....but it is what it is, and most of us LOVE it...the best part is foisting it off on the latest fiancee and watching them take the first bite after you've told them what's in it. Now there's a Kodak moment....

Polish Dish

1 quart (that's 4 cups to you who are measurement challenged) water
1 polish sausage - they usually call them kielbasa nowadays, 12-16 oz.
2 tsp. salt
3 T. white vinegar
1-2 bay leaves
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 small onion, cut in half again, or 1 tsp. onion salt (cut salt to 1 tsp. if you use)
1/2 tsp. sage
1 C. milk
4 T. flour
1 egg

12 hard boiled eggs
Horseradish root or the stuff in the jar if you can't find it

Put sausage in water, bring to a boil and cook 20 minutes over medium heat uncovered. Add salt, vinegar, onion and spices, bring to a boil, remove from burner and let stand 1-2 minutes. Remove sausage and set aside on a plate. Mix milk, flour and egg in blender, dump into soup all at once and stir, whisking over medium high heat until it comes to a boil; continue to whisk for one minute to cook the flour, remove from heat. Cut sausage into 6-8 pieces and add back to broth.

To prepare soup, serve broth at the table with a bowl of hard boiled eggs, cutting boards or plates you can cut on, and bowls for eggshells. You also need to peel the outside skin off the horseradish root (if you found some) and include that with a microplane or fine grater for guests to add it to their soup. Each guest takes a piece of sausage, cuts it up in small pieces and puts in their bowl. Then they crack and peel one or two eggs and chop, adding to sausage, then ladle broth over all and grate fresh horseradish on top to their liking. It's also kind of fun - interactive eating per se.....and yes, it's a bit odd and unconventional, but then so was milk the first time someone pulled on those dangly things under a cow and drank what came out. Be a pioneer - start a trend! Polish Dish bars will start popping up on every corner, and you can say you were there when it started. And you're not even Polish!

OK, here's a couple super secret tips in case you are really going to try this and not just make a face and say "She's GOT to be kidding...no one would really EAT that crap". My mother bucked tradition a few years ago, and due to a less than flavorful sausage pick, started adding "Ham Base"...not sure where all you can find this, but I get it at Cash & Carry in Aloha. It's a concentrated paste that comes from boiling a bunch of ham products into soup and then down to a paste, and will really pump up the volume for this, pea and bean soups, and country gravy if your meat has less "flavah" than Vanilla Ice. If your broth is wimpy, add maybe a teaspoon and see what it does. Also, she started experimenting with different kinds of sausage - we've tried mixes of kielbasa, brats, other smoked sausages, and even little smokies to great effect - just don't use the kind like they put on the buns at Costco...they don't exude enough juice to flavor it worth a damn. I think beer brats are always good....and I think I'm going to try the chicken apple sausages just for shits and giggles - a little apple never hurt anyone, and I think it sounds "Old Country", so what the heck.

Hey, look at that - Christmas is officially over! Better get crackin and find you some good sausage....PD is also a great hangover cure. It'll either snap you back to life or make you puke so you can start to feel better....one way or another! Happy New Year!!

Du Jour, Thick as Pea, To Nuts, Up....

Can you guess what I'm getting at? Yup, it's officially nasty as hell outside, rain, wind, fog....it's definitely SOUP weather! I love that soup gets used in sayings, as my post title illustrates, and I love soup. I don't know if I could pick out a favorite, maybe clam chowder, possibly chicken noodle (but only if it has homemade noodles), turkey noodle right after Thanksgiving, or the one I'm about to share with you.

When my parents had their 25th wedding anniversary, we decided to take them out for dinner - no fancy parties, we couldn't afford it, but a moderately priced restaurant was definitely doable. So we chose the Rheinlander on Stark in Portland - I believe it's still there, cheesy as ever most likely, with dudes playing accordions and everything. But oh My GOODNESS the food was good, although things got quite fuzzy towards the end of the meal after all the beer etc. we drank kicked in. We ordered some kind of feast where they charge per person, and they start bringing stuff out and apparently never stop - that is uber dangerous for German food. Sausages and fondue and latkes, OH MY! I think my eyes were bulging when I left there, and I can still clearly recall having to unbutton AND zip my Levi Bendovers on the ride home...it was either that or ride stretched out in the back of someones pick up truck.

We all had a good time, and they gave us our receipt with a little card that included two recipes - Lentil Soup and Der Rheinlander Fondue. Both are staples served with meals in the restaurant, and I would be happy as a pig in mud to eat just one or the other anytime - they are both quite amazingly good. I will share the fondue with you later, it will take you a while to finish this much soup, because it makes a pretty big pot...my old Revereware dutch ovens were never quite big enough so I have to make it in my stockpot. I will say it has an admirable amount of fat in it - and as that is what gives it it's texture and flavor, would not recommend straying too far from this formulation - but I actually made a much lower fat version tonight and will let you know how it comes out. And sodium? Well, there ain't NO way to take it out without it falling flat, so it's a judgement call as to whether you can handle this much...it is what it is. But I'm guessing Germans retain a lot of water....

Rheinlander Lentil Soup

This is from the restaurant, and doesn't seem like much at all - but it will surprise the shit out of you if you do what it says and cook as long as required...it goes from dishwater to a silky, full bodied thick broth with just enough lentils and veggies to not end up with a "sloshy full"...YUM.

3 oz. bacon, cut in 1/2" strips
1/4 C. olive oil
3/4 C. onion, diced (I double at least)
3/4 C. carrot, diced (double, again)
3/4 C. celery, diced (getting the hang of it?)
3/4 C. flour
3-1/2 quarts water (that would be 14 Cups...I kid you not)
3/4 C. potatoes, 1/2" cubes (again...MORE is better)
1 C. dry lentils
1/4 C. beef bouillon or beef soup mix (the paste kind)
2 tsp. salt
2 tsp. season salt
2 tsp. MSG
Dash of white pepper and nutmeg

In a BIG pot, saute bacon, olive oil, onion, carrot and celery about 10 minutes or until tender. Stir in flour, a little at a time, and stir until all has been absorbed by the veggies. Add water in thirds, stirring well after each addition to break down the flour mixture, add potato, lentils, and all seasonings, bring to a boil then turn down and simmer for 3 hours. Yes, I said 3 HOURS. It will look like dishwater, and taste not much better at first, but as it simmers it will develop a wonderful and complex flavor and texture...it's almost like gravy, and MUCH more acceptable to eat by the bowlful.

Our standard complement was always cheese bread - our fave is Texas Toast bread, buttered and sprinkled with garlic powder and grated (actually the stuff in the can is best for this) Parmesan and broiled until golden brown. And don't say you don't like lentils or lentil soup, I didn't think I did either. And I know people say this, and it seems odd, but it's even better the next day, or week (from the fridge), or month/year (from the freezer)...it just never gets old.

So there you go, give it a try - if you make some now, put the extras in the freezer, then you will have it ready when I post the fondue recipe so all you'll have to do is find some liederhosen and an accordion and you'll be fat and happy for a fine German feast! It wouldn't be the "wurst" think you've ever eaten....hahaha.

What the h*** is that?

I called my main squeeze while on my way to work today (he doesn't have to be at work until 10, and I am sooooooo jealous) and asked him to take some form of protein out of the freezer for dinner. Told him what I remembered we had, but said "Don't matter, whatever sounds good is fine". Fast forward to 5:30pm, me standing in the kitchen looking at a 1# chub of ground turkey sitting in a tiny puddle of thawed out frost sitting forlornly on the counter. Fast forward again to me, sitting in front of the TV with no shoes, an ice tea spoon, and the last of the jar of Nutella, absently watching Rachel and Ross have another fight not realizing they will end up together, even if just for the last few minutes of the final episode ever. Fast forward again to me sitting here, looking at the taskmistress facebook and perusing a friend's (only on fb, never met him before) photos of his party where they all dressed up and acted out the movie Titanic in his living room...haha, they were hilarious!

I realize, after the pix of course, that it's getting late and I haven't decided on dinner yet. My daughter's IM box pops up, and I chat idly with her for a few minutes, discussing her hub's recent snack of raw garlic and how he keeps trying to kiss her, all the while knowing that chub ain't gettin' any more cooked. I sign off with a heart and a ttyl, and head off to the kitchen to see what I can see. After a quick inspection of what needs to be used up and what randomness the pantry holds, I decide to make some soup...not just any soup, but some lucious, hearty and stick to your ribs soup that will go down in history as the BEST SOUP EVER, and it will be GOOD FOR YOU. YESSSSSSSSSS!

So here goes...this is another UN-recipe, one that I didn't measure a damn thing, but it matters not a whit - you can fuss with it all you want, it's still going to be DELICIOSO!

Momma Moose's MAXIstrone

1 lb. ground turkey
2 stalks celery, cut in chunks
1/2 onion, chopped randomly
1 carrot, cut in half circles
2 T. butter

Put this in dutch oven and start cooking. I put in the turkey, then the veggies, then threw in the butter because it was sticking and the olive oil decanter was empty. It still stuck, but butter gives flavor so who cares? I cooked that and stirred, scraping the big chunks off the bottom for a few minutes. The "fond" (the stuff stuck on the bottom) was brown but not black, and just WAITING for me to use it to my advantage.....muuuwaaaahhhaahhhaahhaaa! Next, I added:

1 can diced tomatoes, juice and all
3 cans hot water
1/2 can red wine
1 can tomato juice (I use the fake V-8), or you could use an 8 oz. can sauce and one of water
1-2 T. beef soup mix or bullion
1.5 cups of corn (a total guess, I buy big bags and just dumped some in)
Ground rosemary, thyme and garlic powder

Bring to a boil, and scrape the bottom until it all comes off - it will break down in the liquid and make your soup extra special good. Taste it, and add more wine, water, spices...whatever floats your boat. You want to let this boil (turn it down a little) and let the flavors come ALIVE....I would say to cook it for about 30 minutes. Then add:

1/4 head cabbage, chopped (it's a universal sweetener...I am compelled to put it in soup)
1 can cannelini beans (love, Love, LOVE EM! (white kidney beans/no tough skins)

Bring to a boil and cook about 5 minutes. Then add:

1/4 head cauliflower, cut in chunks
1 can pasta....a little more if it's bigger like bow ties, but whatever sounds good

Boil about 5 minutes, then add:

1/2 each small zucchini and yellow squash, cut in thick slices and quartered

Boil for about 10 minutes or until pasta is tender.

Ladle into a pasta or soup bowl, grate some fresh parmesan over the top and ENJOY with some nice warm bread if you got some....as my #1 son would probly say, "that's some GOOOOOOD sh**"!

ps, #2 son proclaims he doesn't like soup, but he ate it and just said "That's some GOOOOD soup!"

Cussing creatively

So when I was a kid, swearing was verboten - I believe we were told it was a mortal sin, for which we would end up in the aforementioned "Hell's Kitchen" filled with spiders, dirty dishes and mom's liver. I think I occasionally heard "damn" uttered by my parents, but rarely, and nothing else unless it was used in the context of a funny story (like when my dad was in elementary school and was asked by the nuns to spell "shirt" and he forgot the r). We also were told that saying a word LIKE a swear word was just as bad, like one of mom's relatives that said "cheese and crackers" instead of J.C. - I was once threatened with a taste of bar soap when I was caught playing behind the couch repeating "chit" over and over. My saving grace was a carefully crafted look of total innocence and a parent who probably didn't feel like putting me in a headlock for a lava tongue bath.

My dad was a rebel, however, and devised a few words that weren't really swear words, but a little more technical - we would giggle ourselves silly saying buttocks (but my dad pronounced it BEWTOX so it was much funnier), "Buns" and "Fruiter" instead of fart (and if fart really is a dirty word I'm probably going to hell...). We became quite artful in name calling without tasting soap, and I find "Fruiter Head" much more satisfying than the real thing. Which brings me to my offering today, not because it causes fruiters, or has anything to do with your bum, but because the word "Chowderhead" always makes me giggle a little.

This last weekend was spent at a place I called "Happy Camp" with a bunch of friends from work, and we had a really good time - nothing organized, just a lot of doing whatever we felt like, eating great food and just letting it all hang out...it was pretty relaxing. The house we rented was STUNNING....it was on Happy Camp Road in Netarts Oregon, and was one row of houses back from Netarts Bay, but up on pillars and with a gorgeous 3rd story view of the bay/ocean. Check it out at http://www.netartssandcastle.com/ and you can see beautiful pix that will still not do it justice.

But I digress - we decided not to go out, but since I was jonesin' for clam chowder, I made a flyin trip into Tillamook and got the goods to make it homemade - it got rave reviews, so I'm sharing it with you as I made it Sunday....ahoy matey, clams and potatoes dead ahead, make sure ye got yer garlic bread fer a flotation device!

Happy Camp Chowder

5 red potatoes, peeled and cut in 1" chunks
2 cans minced clams, including juice
Fresh ground pepper
2 ribs celery, sliced very thin including tops
1/2 large onion, diced
2-6 cloves garlic, peeled and chopped or sliced thin OR 1/2 tsp. garlic powder
4 slices bacon, cut in 1/4" strips
1 T. butter
1/3 C. flour
2 C. heavy cream (you can use 2 cans evap milk or 1/2 & 1/2...won't be as rich)
2-4 clam cans water
Salt to taste

Put potatoes, clams with juice and 2 clam cans of water (or enough to just cover spuds) and some pepper and a couple pinches of salt in a stockpot or dutch oven, put on high heat and bring to boil, turn down to medium or so water still bubbles and cook about 10-12 minutes, or until potatoes are fork tender.

While potatoes are cooking, put bacon in large frying pan and cook over med high until it starts to release it's fat, add celery, onion,garlic and butter and saute until onion is soft. Stir in flour until all is absorbed, continue to cook until flour starts to brown just a little. Add cream all at once and whisk until forms a smooth sauce. Add a can or two of hot water if it gets too thick - or some of the water/broth in with the potatoes if you want it really chunky. Let sauce boil one minute, then dump into pot with cooked potatoes and clams and stir well. Add salt/pepper to taste, and simmer a little while if you like it thicker.

I serve this with cheese bread - cut thick slices of french bread, use french rolls or texas toast, just spread with butter, sprinkle with garlic powder and any kind of grated parmesan and broil until golden brown. Or a nice loaf of any kind of bread warmed in the oven with lots of real butter...or if you really have to, you could use crackers, but they're SO boring. Unless you drag each oyster cracker through the new cube of butter on the plate until your mom takes it away so she can do it herself when she's alone...yes Mom, I learned that trick from YOU. But whatever you decide to eat with it, the important part is the soup - enjoy the crisp fall weather with a steamin' potful, ya chowderheads!

More pig, please.

My daughter posted on Facebook that she was making a "creamy Italian potato (soy) sausage soup", and one of her friends suggested it would taste better if there was some real pig in it. Altho I am now fixated on my newly invented word, "Soysages", and think with her help we could invent them and make a zillion bucks off people who shun food with mothers, I must say "I LOVE MEAT". I heartily agree with the bumper sticker "If God didn't want us to eat meat, why did he make animals so delicious?" and am slightly resentful of God's rule that we can't eat it on Fridays during Lent. But I also will not stand in the way of those who do not, for whatever reason, enjoy our yummy non-human friends as long as they respect my right to carve off a hunk of Ferdinand the Bull and wave it over the barbie for my dinner.

Becky (above mentioned daughter) is a talented cook, and I know this because she has made many vegetarian and even vegan dishes that have totally not made me barf - and I'm sure that her Soysage Soup was quite tasty, even though she didn't have kale to put in it. This recipe was developed from a few I found on the internet using a search for Olive Garden Zuppa Toscana. If you've never had it there (I have not), it's like a potato soup, but with kale and spicy Italian sausage in it - it's not like a chowder, but has lots of goodies and a broth that packs a punch. There is nothing better on a crisp, cool fall night than this soup with some rustic Italian bread warmed in the oven right on the rack so the crust is crispy, then spread with some delicious sweet butter....I love butter too, but that is another blog.

Now if you're scratching any part of your body and yelling "Fer cryin' out LOUD, what the freak is KALE?" at your monitor, I am gonna learn ya. If you go to your produce section, and find the parsley, nearby there should be some other things that look like bundles of weeds or leaves. Kale is quite pretty...it's green with silvery haze over it, and the leaves are about the size of your hand but very ruffly. It's fairly tough...not like a salad green, but cooked in this soup gives it an interesting texture and flavor, and I think a little peppery-ness as well. Altho you can't tell so much with the red pepper in it....mmmm, I am SO not a spicy lover, but I will eat this and let the tears of pain rain down my face it's so good. Give it a try when the weather cools down a bit - I know some people say when it's hot, hot stuff cools you down, but people say the stupidest things sometimes....

Zuppa Toscana (Italian Kale Soup)

1 lb. Spicy Italian sausage, casings removed (or soy sausage if you must)
Olive Oil (or you can use 1/4 lb. sliced bacon, cut in 1/4" slices - more pig!)
2 cloves garlic, sliced or chopped
1/2 to 1 onion, cut in quarters and sliced 1/4" thick (I love onion - use it all!)
1 bunch Kale, washed and stems removed, then cut into 1" to 2"-ish squares
4-6 Red spuds w/skins (or brown, I've used both), washed, quartered & sliced 1/4"
8 cups chicken broth (that is 2 quarts and 4 knorr chicken bullion cubes)
3 cups 1/2 and 1/2 OR two cans of evaporated milk
Salt and pepper to taste

Start cooking the bacon if you're using that, otherwise put some olive oil in a large soup pot and toss in the naked sausages. Use a paddle (or a spoon I suppose) to stir and break up into chunks, when it doesn't have much pink left throw in the garlic and onions and continue to saute until the onions gets soft, several minutes. Add the kale and cook a few more minutes until it also goes limp (could be your wrist too from all that preppin' and stirrin'), then add the broth and spuds and bring to a boil. Turn down to medium for a low boil, and cook until the potatoes are tender; add whatever dairy you've chosen , then salt and pepper to taste. If you like it more spicy, add red pepper flakes to your liking....I have used them when I didn't have spicy sausage and it worked just fine.

You could also use cream...it's probably no worse than using equal amounts of canned milk, but I choose to not think about that and don't buy it often because I can contain myself and not try to make whipped cream to eat off the beaters, the bowl, my shirt and the top of graham crackers out of evaporated milk because there is "nothing else good in the house" when I'm PMS'ing. (I just came back from the freezer with Tillamook Chocolate Peanut Butter ice cream, is that wrong?)

Now go and enjoy your Zuppa Toscana with some crusty bread and sweet butter, and don't go to the Olive Garden. It just encourages more stupid commercials; going to Olive Garden does not make you a happy family any more than going to church makes you a Christian or visiting a tattoo parlor makes you a freak of nature that your mother prays for because you've mutilated your body so heinously that only other freaks will be attracted to you and she can't even show her face at Bunco anymore. Oh, and eat more pig!