Art Linkletter was right

Kids do say the darnedest things. It was very difficult being a good parent when I would crack up at my kids when they said/did things that were totally inappropriate but hilarious - I had no trouble taking care of discipline when they were naughty, but my sense of humor can get the best of me in situations of hilarity. Which is probably very lucky for my kids....at least sometimes they got away with stuff because Mom couldn't keep a straight face.

My daughter, at a fairly young age (I'm guessing 4 or 5) was usually pretty well behaved in church. For any small child to last a full hour was a miracle, but she was an old hand since she'd been going weekly her entire short life, so it was rare she had to be removed for "parental conditioning". One Sunday, however, she was pushing her limits and rummaging through my purse. When we were standing or kneeling, she was sitting and kept poking around in there, taking things out and playing with them. I kept eyeballing her and telling her "NO" in hushed tones, but she kept doing it - finally I pushed my purse all the way to the end of the pew, and pushed her all the way to the other side of me. She immediately hopped up onto the kneeler so she could be as tall as possible, looked up at me with eyes blazing, and stage-whispered "I'm so mad I'm going to stand on ONE FOOT!". I dissolved into silent laughter, which may have been soundless, but resulted in me shaking uncontrollably with tears starting to roll down my face. Walt took one look at me and started snickering - seeing someone else laugh in church is a virulent viral strain. Luckily it was at the end of Mass, and we grabbed the kids and made a slightly early but fortuitous exit....and Miss Becky got away with her little outburst, altho I think she was rather deflated that her stern missive was greeted so disrespectfully. Even now tho, at 30 years old, she is still highly unamused when she gets peeved and we ask her if she's going to stand on one foot....

Quite a few years ago, at a family function at my parents, there was a pretty sizable group of family in their rather small house. My mom was yammering on about something, and one of my brother's daughters in her pre-teen years suddenly hollered out in one of those unfortunate lulls "Hey Gramma, I'll give you a dollar to shut up!". DAMN....if I had only know that was all it would take I would have given her a dollar YEARS ago! My SIL was horrified, but we laughed so hard I think some of the adults needed a diaper change.

So yeah, kids are hilarious....the fact that they are cute and make us laugh is why their mortality rate is so low. When your child is standing in the bathroom sink, naked, covered from head to toe with minty toothpaste which he has also smeared all over the mirror, the wall, the counter and the faucets, you WANT to be angry with him, but it's hard when you are doubled over laughing and running for the camera. Not that this has ever happened in OUR house, and NO, I no longer possess the photo...

So here is a recipe that has nothing to do with kids whatsoever, there is utterly no connection at all - but it's a really good one that my SIL shared with me, and puts the "hum" in hummus! And it's got Northwest flair - those "Hazelnuts" are actually old-school FILBERTS....they had to give em a fancy name to sell them as a delicacy all over the world. Shoot, we used to crack those with rocks in the back yard and eat 'em green....HEY, there IS a connection!

Sherry Lynn's Hazelnut Hummus

1 C. toasted hazelnuts (375 for 10-15 min, rub on a towel to remove skins)
1 can garbanzo beans, drained (reserve liquid)
3 T. olive oil (you can replace some/all with the bean liquid)
1 clove garlic
1 T. chopped parsley (optional, I don't use)
2 T. lemon juice
Salt and pepper to taste

Put toasted, skinned hazelnuts in food processor and grind until they start turning to butter, add garlic, oil and/or bean liquid and lemon juice, process until smooth. Pour in garbanzo's, add a pinch of salt and a few grinds of pepper, then process, adding more bean liquid (or olive oil) as needed to get the consistency you like. I go slightly thinner than peanut butter, most commercial hummus is thinner than that, it's personal choice. Add parsley and additional salt/pepper if needed and process just until mixed (your hummus will turn a sickly shade of puke green if you process the parsley too long), serve in a dish and throw a few reserved hazelnuts on top and drizzle with a tiny bit of olive oil. SO good with veggies, crackers, bread, or just off your finger....just don't do that when anyone is looking.

Try this at your next get together - it's always a hit; I like it because it always reminds me of nighttime hide-and-seek with the neighbor kids, playing "hit the passing car with the sprinkler", and the fact that I can not allow another jar of Nutella in my house because I could develop an allergy to hazelnuts from eating it faster than the human eye can register. BAH!!! Damn you delicious filberts!