Monday, October 4, 2010

Looks can be deceiving

If you were to ask me what kind of a person I am, I would tell you I am shy. If you tell that to anyone I know, they will look at you like you're nuts, and most likely laugh their arses off...they see the person on the OUTSIDE, I see the one on the inside. I am an observer - I like to sit in a corner of the room facing out so I can see everything that's going on, keep a "finger on the pulse" so to speak. And also so that no one can get the drop on me. That comes from growing up with 4 siblings, and never knowing what is going to be around the corner or behind the next door.

The big old house I grew up was great fun for scaring the crap out of each other, which we did frequently. There were many scary dark corners in the basement, and you only had to wait a few minutes before some hapless victim would stumble along, intent on some mindless task, or possibly just avoiding one by staying on the move and out of mom's sight. Then you would spring out at the perfect moment, emitting a sound that was supposed to sound like a monster but was more likely just a really loud yell - regardless, startling a fellow slave child into chasing you around the neighborhood was a delight that was hard to top.

Ocassionally you would get the "reverse thrill"...once I waited around the corner in the laundry room (I use that term loosely as it was just a vast and very dark part of the basement that had a mountain of dirty clothes on the cement floor and a washer, dryer and big cement sink that grew the worlds biggest and hairiest spiders), and giggled silently while I waited for a victim to fall into my trap. Suddenly I heard footsteps on the stairs, then continuing around the corner where I leaped out and yelled "AAAAAHHHHHHH!"........right in my mom's face. I think we might have pee'd our pants at the same exact time, and she almost threw the full laundry basket she was carrying over her head. I was rooted to the spot - flight was useless, as I knew, unless I never came back home again, that she WOULD get me - and my short life as I knew it flashed before my eyes. My only guess is that she somehow found it amusing, so the worst of it was a strident warning to NEVER do that again. Luck was with me that day, my friends....

And I don't care what anyone says, I AM shy. I just hide it with obnoxious, juvenile and loud behavior, a finely tuned sarcasm gene and a seriously twisted sense of humor. Otherwise I'm just a shrinking violet. Stop fruiter head. As usual, this has nothing to do with that, just a wild hare (or is it hair?) - this is such a bad for you, full of stuff you shouldn't and individually wouldn't DREAM of eating recipe, so you know it's gonna be good. "Corn Thang" is actually a recipe we heard about on Mark & Brian - KLOS jocks in sunny Cali. one of the crew brought it to a potluck and they posted it on their's ridiculous how good it is. So sit back, RElax, and ENjoy......

Kelli's Corn Thang

1 box Jiffy Corn Muffin mix (don't use anything else, doesn't work)
1 can cream corn - the CHEAPEST you can find
1 C. sour cream
2-3 T. sugar
2 eggs
1 cube cheap REAL margarine (oxymoron) - don't use "spread"...too much water.

Heat oven to 375. Put cube of margarine in a 8x8 square glass pan, a round cake pan, or an 8" casserole and put in the oven while it's preheating to melt. Dump all the other ingredients together and mix with a fork, a mixer or a wooden spoon - just get the eggs well beaten and everything combined well, I don't care if you use your brother's toothbrush or that wire thingy with balls on the ends you use to massage your scalp. (be prepared for a noogie or wet willy if you use the toothbrush)

When the margarine has melted completely, pull rack out and pour batter directly into the melted margarine - DO NOT STIR. It will cook into the batter, but envelop the entire dish in the sweet embrace of molecules you want to know nothing about. Bake at 375 for 35-45 minutes, or until it's cracked and golden brown all around the edges and a toothpick comes out clean and it only has a hint of a jiggle overall - there shouldn't be any spots that look like they are just crusted over lava with a secret liquid center. Let cool a bit - good luck with that - then cut in smallish squares and serve. I am a middle child, and a middle girl....I like the nice clean cuts, no crusty edges and believe the center is the choicest cut (just like me). Of most things, that is....the outside of this is so good I wish there was a pan that only made outside pieces. (LIGHTBULB!!!) And if you put butter on it, you will go straight to hell....OK, I didn't, but my feet got really, REALLY hot when I did.

You can do this in muffin tins, you just need to divide the butter by 12 muffin tins and start checking it about 20 minutes in. Then you could use them for gambling money to play black-jack with your siblings and threaten them with indian burns and bloody knuckles if they beat you even after you made up your own ruled and cheated so you would win. Or you could just eat em. I vote for that.

1 comment:

  1. Corn Thang is evil. I am pretty sure you have to spend an extra 6 months in purgatory for every piece you eat.

    PS. They DO make pans that only make edges. They're called edge brownie pans.

    PPS. Since when does it take actual effort to get you to pee your pants?